5 bad things I think would happen if Superman really existed

I dislike Superman. It’s partly because he’s a cheat, it’s partly because he’s a bit smarmy but mostly – and this is extremely important – it’s because he’s not Batman.

Now, I know that’s probably not the most logically thought out argument for why Superman sucks, so I’ve come up with some extremely practical implications that I believe would arise from his existence.

1. People would take more risks knowing that they’d be saved

People take risks when they think they’re safe. Bungee jumping – no-one would do that if there wasn’t a giant piece of elastic strapped to their legs; sky diving – people wouldn’t do it if they didn’t have a parachute. People will start to take more risks such as standing up to ruthless evil villains knowing that Superman would fly in and save the day. And other such things. Superman is the safety net for idiotic actions. Which brings me to point 2.

2. Superman would have to open a complaints line for anyone he didn’t help

People would start to think they had a right for Superman to save them when they were in danger and would take it personally when he didn’t help them. Because Superman has saved Lois Lane on numerous occasions, the rest of Metropolis would be angry if he didn’t ave them. Superman would get treated as public property and would essentially be another emergency service, only one that you didn’t have to phone as he could use his supersonic hearing to detect your danger.

In this respect, Superman is a bit God-like. One argument for God’s non-existence is that he cannot be all loving, all powerful and all knowing because he doesn’t help out those in need.

Superman is essentially all knowing due to his heightened senses. He is all powerful because he is from Krypton. So if he doesn’t save everyone in danger, then he will be deemed to be a bad person for not doing so. Hence, he’d need an 800 complaints line and a dedicated workforce to deal with the fallout.

3. There would be less state funding for the police force

The government would look at Metropolis and see that it had additional assistance in policing the city (Superman isn’t vilified in the way that Batman is) and decide that this meant they could reduce the funding to the police force.

This would have the effect that all the low level jobs such as parking tickets, jaywalking and littering would be either neglected and chaos would ensue. Chaos, I tells ya!

4. The world’s strongest man contest would be a farce.

I have checked records dating back to 1977 and there have been no extra-terrestrial entrants in the tournament. There is also no ruling that says that you have to be born on Earth to enter the tournament.

So Superman would either enter – I reckon he would as he’s a bit of a show-off – and turn the tournament into a farce by beating all of the other contestants by a ridiculous margin, or not enter and turn it into a farce because everyone would know that he’s actually a billion times stronger than whoever wins the tournament, making it a hollow victory.

5. The space race would start up again

If the world leaders knew that there was life in space as evidenced by Superman, then they would want to go out and explore it. Whether or not they would battle it out as they did during the Cold War, who could say. What would happen though, is that funding for the space program would go up substantially.

NASA’s budget is currently around 0.5% of the Federal budget according to Wikipedia. At the height of the Cold War, in 1966, the budget was 4.41% of the Federal total. It would definitely go up to close to this, if not beyond and would mean that there is a reduction in the basic services needed such as education, health and literally keeping the streets clean which would make life on Earth worse whilst they search for further life in space.