Bucket list item #11 Fall in love and get married and have kids and that. Part 4: Have a baby

<<– Part Three – Get Married

Early last year Jo went on a rowing holiday. It was great – I didn’t have to hear anyone talk about rowing for a whole week (or so I thought – she phoned me mid-week to tell me all about it). When she returned she told me not to get excited but that she was a little late. So obviously I got quite excited. 

About a week later she took a pregnancy test.  She came downstairs excited and so I got excited, only for her to tell me that she was just excited that she’d taken the test and that she had to wait a few minutes for the result. A few minutes pass and she comes back down with the good news and we both got even more excited. 

One of the weird things about finding out you’re having a baby is being unable to tell people your exciting news for a while. I completely understand the reasons, but this is something you really want to share with people and it can be quite difficult keeping such an exciting secret. 

There was a weird rollercoaster of emotions that I went through after finding out we were having a baby. It started with excitement and then went through fear – about how our lives would change, whether I would be able to deal with the lack of sleep, if I’d be good at being a dad – and alternating between the two before settling very much on the side of excitement.

Like a wedding, having a baby requires a lot of planning. This was where I felt most comfortable and helped with controlling the fear and increasing the excitement. 

Nine months is a long time to wait for a baby. It can make you especially broody, well it made me especially broody at least. I have a total of 5 nephews and nieces who are awesome and have just made me want a mini human of my own even more. However even 9 months is not enough to make you mentally ready for the moment you get rushed into hospital. 

One of the things we did in preparation was a short hypnobirthing course. I had a vague idea of what it was as my sister-in-law had used it for her second child but I was very impressed by it and would recommend it for anyone who is due to give birth as it gives you a very positive attitude towards the experience, regardless of what route your birth takes. 

The birth itself went quite well. Not a textbook birth, but possibly as close as you could realistically expect. Having heard stories about other people’s birth experiences, we were very lucky in our experience. 

Everything went really quickly on the day. So quickly in fact that there was a point at which I thought I would have to catch our child but fortunately the midwife came back into the room at the vital moment.

And now we have a baby. She is called Imogen Scarlett Eileen Anderson. She is called Imogen as that was one of the few names we could agree on, Scarlett after her gran and Eileen after her great-gran who was born 99 years and 364 days before her. I’m sure I’ll tell you more about Imogen in the future.

Bucket list item #11 Fall in love and get married and have kids and that. Part 3: Get married

<<– Part Two : Get Engaged

I’ve been meaning to write a blog about our wedding for quite some time. The problem that I’ve had before is that there’s so much I could write about, however most of it will be so detailed and personal that it will only be of interest to a very small group of people. So I’m going to try to just talk about the few most significant things about our big day.

Firstly, everyone says it’s the best day ever. I’m often reluctant to believe what everyone says about things. Everyone said that Napoleon Dynamite was great but that’s an hour and a half of my life that I’m not getting back. Everyone says that pineapple on pizza is wrong but it’s the best pizza topping by far. Everyone doesn’t know what they’re talking about. However in this instance, it turns out that everyone was actually correct.

The whole day was spent seeing our friends and family and they were all so happy for us (or just wanted a free meal). It’s just like having a massive birthday party for all of your birthdays at once. It truly is the best day ever. The main downside to this is that there is a limited time and if you’ve invited a large number of guests it won’t be possible to spend a lot of time with them all. It is important to not worry about this. Spend your day with who you want to spend it with – whether that is the people you see all the time, those that you don’t see because they live so far away or a combination of both of them. It is easy to get pulled in 100 different directions. One of the best bits of advice we got was to make sure we spent a bit of time together to enjoy the day. You could potentially spend most of the day barely seeing the person you’d just married so grab a moment or two together when you can.

Obviously the wedding day doesn’t just happen. The day involves a lot of build-up and preparation. I actually really enjoyed planning. I’m very much the planner. After the proposal Jo told me – “right, that’s my bit done. Now you need to plan it!”

In reality it was still shared. I came up with a couple of options and discussed with Jo who would then help to make a decision. One thing we were trying to do which I really recommend is to make it feel like your day. Make it feel as personal as possible. We had zombies, Lego, Jane Austen and rowing boats as these are the things that we enjoy (between us – please don’t take this as any endorsement of rowing on my part). 

We were slightly worried that it wouldn’t all go together but as soon as I got there and it all looked awesome I relaxed. Everything just felt right. Not that I expected it to feel wrong, but we’d arranged lots of different things as separate decisions and had no idea what it would all look like when it was put together. I know it will be different for other people but that was what really helped me to settle into the day. All of the planning came together and there was nothing for me to worry about any longer. Getting married seemed really easy after that! 

Another sign of the personalisation was the fact that ours was the only wedding I’ve been to where there was a mosh pit. We were very particular about the music. We had a DJ provided by the venue who had lots of suggestions about things he could do but we were very clear in our minds what we wanted. We gave him a playlist of songs that we knew our friends would dance to and let him improvise a little around that but we did have to reign him in a bit around other stuff. This is totally fine. Everyone realises that it’s your day and that it needs to be how you want it to be. 

The day itself was not as much of a blur as I expected it to be. I’ve got a good memory of a lot of things about it. 

Whilst I know the bride will be excited about getting ready and making themselves look amazing, they miss out on one of the bits that was most enjoyable for me, which was getting to greet everyone as they turned up. I also had to shout at some people for taking drinks into the wedding area. Apparently if that happens the wedding might get called off. I’d imagine that the official people don’t often follow through with that threat, but I wasn’t taking the chance.

Of all of the day, the ceremony is what I remember least about. That’s the only bit that seemed to go by really quickly, and that is possibly to do with it being the most important bit and me concentrating on doing all of our bits right. We had two friends pick awesome readings, which really suited the whole feeling of the day. We wrote our own vows. It seemed important to us that we told each other how we felt in front of a bunch of people. Public speaking is scary, but telling the person you love how you feel on your wedding day is surprisingly not so. We wrote our vows on a bit of card which I pulled out of my sporran to laughter. I’m not sure exactly where else I was supposed to have kept them. It was nice to later discover that a friend had filmed the whole thing on their phone which they sent to us and we were able to watch it through.

As I have written previously, we both changed our name upon marriage. As part of the signing process, we also signed deed poll forms.  A few weeks later, Jo had to re-sign them as I had told her to sign in the wrong place. Oops. That’s all sorted now and we both have a new name.

After the ceremony, the rest of the day is basically socialising, which is quite easy when everyone is there to wish you a good time. The main structured bits after that involve everyone staring at you, and it is easy to get nervous about them. I was much more nervous when I was a best man at my brother’s wedding, however. I think there is a lot more pressure on the best man to be funny and/or entertaining. I returned the favour to my brother and he delivered an excellent best man speech complete with a PowerPoint presentation. 

As we believe in equality, it was decided fairly early on that Jo was going to do a speech and hers was great and funny, and I was annoyed because I had to follow her! There is not much pressure on the groom’s speech, though as you’re supposed to be quite soppy and I was pretty good at that.

The most important things of all are a) we got married and b) it very much felt like our wedding day. We had managed to personalise it and the memories will stay in our heads forever.

Bucket list item #11 Fall in love and get married and have kids and that. Part 2: Get engaged

Nothing to do with us getting engaged but a nice photo as we desscend Snowdon.

<–Part 1: Fall in love

[This is copied from what wrote in my super occasionally kept journal on the 8th of August 2016]

I am now engaged to be married! This is very exciting, although it is taking a little time to sink in as, although I always thought that this was the path that me and Jo were on, the fact that we have taken another step along it is awesome. We have decided to take a little time to enjoy the feeling before we start with the planning.

We had previously discussed that Jo would be the one to do the proposing. This is for a couple of reasons – firstly that I would have done it far too soon.

Secondly, and more importantly, we both believe that we have been living in a male dominated society for far too long. Why should it be that men are the ones who decide when to get married and have all the power in relationships? The only way to change this is by small individual gestures to attempt to change it.

On Friday night (5th August), I got home from a day of watching cricket in the sunshine to find that Jo had made a candlelight dinner for us. I knew that she was arranging dinner but we usually eat in front of the TV so this was a nice romantic addition to my evening.

We had egg wrap things – I’m sure there must be a technical term for these but I don’t know what it is – and then I offered to do the washing up. This is the point when I started to twig that something might be up, as Jo told me she wanted to enjoy the ambience.

A few minutes later, she told me she had a present for me, and that there was a treasure hunt I had to go through in order to find it. She had placed the clues in significant places – for example, one was by our guardian deity, Thor.

After some searching, I had worked my way through the six clues and returned to her with my present which she gave to me whilst telling me all the reasons she wanted to marry me as I cried tears of joy. When she asked me to marry her, I said “of course I will.”

The rest of the evening was spent talking and cuddling and enjoying being engaged before we started to tell people the next day.

Part Three: Get married –>

Bucket list item #11 Fall in love and get married and have kids and that. Part 1: Fall in love

Falling in love, they say, like breaking up is hard to do. Or at least I could have sworn that was a saying. Or at least in a song. Having done a Google, I now think that I’ve probably made it up. Which is annoying as I was about to disagree with it. So now I’m just going to disagree with something that possibly has never been said by anyone ever which makes me look a little bit weird.

Falling in love with Jo was possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done. And I think that’s probably how I knew it was right. After our first date she thought to herself “I wonder if I’ve just met my husband.” She didn’t tell me that until way later as she didn’t want to come across as crazy. I’m not sure I would have thought she was (although at that time I didn’t know how addicted she was to rowing) because the first date was basically perfect and it wasn’t long before I was thinking the same thing.

It is possible that the first date went so surprisingly well as I didn’t have any expectations going into it. I had been doing online dating off and on for a good few years and whilst a few of the dates went well, the majority seemed to be less than average. As someone who has a reasonable understanding of maths I know that this is statistically impossible. The whole online dating thing could fill up several blogs on its own. There is a lot of time and effort that needs to be put in to even establish any sort of meaningful communication. Whilst I knew a few people who had met their partners online, I didn’t hold out a lot of hope that I would do so too and therefore I went into our first date not really expecting anything amazing.

After that first date I changed my mind quite quickly. We went for a drink at the now non-existent Googies before taking a stroll down to Folkestone Harbour where we sat near the mermaid watching a storm over the Channel (Thor really helped a brother out), ate cake (Rocky Road which has marshmallows in which I hate), talked (about castles and music) and eventually kissed. We clicked instantly and there were no awkward silences or the frantic scrambling around for conversation topics that can often plague first dates.

I was very excited to keep in touch and arrange a second date which also went well. We went to a Tapas bar and then for our third date, I persuaded Jo to go to the cute little cinema in Folkestone to watch a film I’d heard good things about (but not heard what the plot was). It was called Gone Girl which – in case you were wondering – is not a particularly romantic film. Afterwards Jo did promise to never frame me for her murder though, so that was a positive. She’s kept that promise to this date.

Despite my catastrophically unromantic choice of movie, things continued to go well. It just felt so natural. To repeat a bit of the speech that I gave at our wedding, when I was single I had often asked my friends who had got married how they knew they’d met the person they were going to marry. Their answers were varied – one said they couldn’t imagine finding anyone better, one said that they made each other better, one said they made everything better even the bad stuff and another said that there was just no bullshit.  It was near the start of our relationship that I realised that all of those were true about me and Jo. If anyone asked me that question now, I would say that I knew I’d marry Jo because it was just obvious that I would.

Why was it so obvious? It was obvious because it was obvious. Which I know is a tautology but so what? Jo and I each have our own things but we also share in each other’s things at times. We make each other laugh. We make each other smile. We have lots of fun. Jo is an amazing human being – she is fun, funny, caring, thoughtful, adventurous… and exactly the person I was looking for.

Part 2 –>

Mr Anderson

Hi. My name is Stewart Cork. At least it is at the moment. It’s going to be changing in seven months time. Let me explain to you why.

The short answer is that it’s because I’m going to get it changed by deed poll. The more correct answer is because I’m getting married (yay!) and will be changing my name when I do so.

Myself and my fiancee are quite liberal minded and believe that men and women are created equal, albeit with different dangly bits. Traditionally a woman would take her husband’s name upon marriage. To us, this feels a bit too much like a man is possessing the woman. A woman is giving up her name but the man is giving up nothing. Whilst some elements of our wedding will be traditional, there are others that will not and this is one of them.

It is important for us that we both have the same surname as a symbol of our union and so we have both opted to give up our inherited surnames. We have picked something new because double-barrelling and combing our names in other ways didn’t sound very good.

The surname we have opted for is Anderson. This is my grandmother’s maiden name and it is also a traditional Scottish name. As Jo is half-Scottish, this felt like a nice way to honour both of our ancestries so that it still felt like a link with our pasts in the same way that our current surnames do.

There are other bonuses with this. One is that there is an Anderson tartan which I will be wearing on
our wedding day.

Another is my hope that I will gain the nickname Neo after Keanu Reeves’ Mr Anderson in The Matrix.

Duckman: The Origins

I’m going to let you into a secret. I’m a superhero.

I know, it’s difficult to take in. Let me just remove my glasses. It will seem much more plausible then.

It all started when I was on “tour” with my band. We were staying at The Billing Aquadrome. The place is as wonderful as it sounds. I think the magic of the place might have been what caused me to turn into a superhero. It might be my radioactive spider.

Every superhero needs an origin story, and this is mine. It is not as heartbreaking as seeing my parents murdered. It’s not as scientific as a spider bite. I’m not a multimillionaire. I haven’t been able to make my own technology. I’m not a mutant (as far as I can tell).

Not an actual picture of me as Duckman. I like to keep my identity secret.

All I have is my wits and a power to control the actions of ducks. Allow me to set the scene.

We were playing Olympic Frisbee. I say playing, we were training really. We never made it to Olympic standard. The reasons for this will become obvious shortly.

It was early in the morning. We’d just had a bit of breakfast and were in the process of waking up before we worked out our plan for the day. One of us – I can’t remember who but it wasn’t me as I’m awesome – failed to catch the Frisbee and it went into a nearby lake.

Everyone was distraught. They thought our game was over and the disc lost forever. Whilst they were busy crying and lamenting, I was not to be stopped.

“LEWIS! GET ME THE BREAD!” I commanded.

Lewis, being inferior to me in every way (although he never says it, I know he thinks of me as his hero), followed my every command. He hurried over to where our food supply was and brought me back a loaf of bread.

Using this as my conduit, I summoned the ducks nearby towards the Frisbee. Throwing bits of bread just in front of them where I wanted them to go I controlled them using nothing but the power of my mind to nudge the Frisbee back to us.

Everyone around bowed down at my feet, for they had never seen such a feat before. Women wanted to be with me. Men wanted to be me. The game of Olympic Frisbee continued.

This is how I became Duckman – controller of ducks using only the power of his mind! (And occasionally bread).

Duckman is looking for partners for a kick ass superhero team. Apply within.

Even Rocky had a montage…

There has been a thing going around on that there internet that they invented. It is to do with the fact that in the United States around 22 veterans of various ages commit suicide every day.
To raise awareness of this issue, a challenge has been going around to attempt to do 22 press ups a day for 22 days. The idea is that you video yourself doing it and tag a friend each day to get them to do the same. 
My “friend” Steve Ashley tagged me in one of his videos, which I thought was a bit mean of him. I’m a man who likes a challenge though and so I decided to give it a go.
September also happens to be national suicide prevention awareness month. Anything that can reduce the stigma around suicide, whether caused by PTSD or one of many other factors is a good idea in my book. I think that nowadays 
I decided to do the challenge a bit differently to others. I didn’t want to upload a video on Facebook everyday because I am already narcisstic enough on there already as it is and seeing a video every day is bit like overkill. I also didn’t want to annoy 22 other people by nominating them to do the challenge as well. If people want to, then fine. I didn’t want to make anyone feel guilty for not doing it, or pressured into doing it.
I also thought that a montage would be much cooler. 
I also chose to do the challenge as I know that I don’t do enough exercise and in itself it is a good thing. Having the motivation to do so would be a good thing as I’m usually too lazy to force myself to do exercise. It turns out that doing press ups every day makes you better at press ups. Who would have thunk it? You will notice this if you watch the montage video. 
Raising awareness is just one part of the solution and so I decided that I would donate money to the Royal British Legion. I chose to give them £22 as it was an important number in the challenge, plus £1 for every press up that I missed. One day I was so ill that I was only awake for 4 hours and so missed those press ups, and so I have donated £44. 
Below are a montage video plus a video of all the press ups. If it looks like any are missing, then that’s as a result of my poor editing rather than actually missing any.
Here is my montage video:
Or if you want to watch every single press up:

Pirates and Pirates and Pirates

It was Layla’s birthday this week, which reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to write about for ages.

Pirates and Pirates and Pirates
supported by Hattie Hatstar

Once upon a time, in a field not too far away… Merton Farm in Canterbury, to be precise. At Lounge on the Farm. In the year two thousand and ten. The greatest band ever were formed!

We were at the festival for what I think was the second of the three years I went for, and Lynsey had started running a Quarterhouse Stage. Unfortunately they had a couple of performers drop out and were looking for replacements.

Stefan, probably fuelled by a beer or two at the time, suggested to her that he and I – who had never played music together previously – could fill a slot on the bill.

Me, probably fuelled by a beer or two at the time, went along with this and suggested that it would be a really great idea.

Lynsey, probably fuelled by whatever her choice of beverage is, was somehow convinced that we would actually be able to put on a performance and gave us a slow on Sunday afternoon, giving us a day and a half to get our shizzle together.

The first thing any band needs is a name. Then you know what sort of band you’ve got. There was a band playing at the festival called Cats and Cats and Cats. I had seen them earlier and thought they were quite good. Afterwards, I had nodded at one member of the band assuming that they were someone that I knew. They looked at me weirdly. I then realised that I knew who they were but that had no clue who I was.

Someone, I think James most likely, was telling me a story about how they had almost called themselves Parrots and Parrots and Parrots. “Pirates and Pirates and Pirates?” says I. “That’s an awesome name, let’s take it.” So we did.

We managed to borrow an acoustic guitar. Neither Stefan nor I can sing. He told me I had to as the guitar was right handed, and with me being left handed, this was the logical way to arrange the band. I had never been encouraged to sing in a band before. Mainly because people I’ve been in bands with have heard me sing.

This gave us Saturday to write songs. We had to borrow Dan Light’s diary so I could write lyrics down, and we sat around the campfire mainly writing songs about things that had happened to us over the course of the festival.

We wrote a song called No Cash Back about how the bars on site weren’t giving any cash back so James had to walk into town to get to a cash machine. We wrote another called Hobo Joe about a guy called Joe who Dan Light found sleeping in his tent one evening.  There was The Ballad of Dan Light about Dan Light graffiti which had been appearing mysteriously on site and which we had absolutely nothing to do with.

On Sunday morning, it was Layla’s birthday. This is why I remembered that it was the 6th anniversary of the formation of the band when it was her birthday. Mainly because we then wrote a song about her birthday called Layla’s Birthday. It lasts 10 seconds and has the lyrics “Layla, it’s your birthday, but we’re not celebrating.”

For her birthday, Sophie had bought Layla a toy xylophone. This meant that she instantly made it into the band. Ben wanted to be in the band, and we wanted him to be in the band because he could actually sing. So he got in too. I seem to recall we also bought some sort of whistle from the Siesta tent for him to play as well. The drummer from Stefan’s actual band was at the festival. Stefan grabbed him, some saucepans and wooden spoons and he became our drummer.

We rehearsed briefly as a full band and then at 4.30pm we were unleashed upon the unsuspecting world. We had been spreading the word a bit, and as it’s quite a small festival we actually managed to get maybe 30 or 40 people we knew come along to watch us which I was extremely impressed with, especially as we had been talking down the band all weekend.

When we finished playing Hobo Joe, we discovered that Joe was actually a friend of a friend who had come along to watch us and that he was actually quite embarrassed by what had happened.

During the Ballad of Dan Light, Dan himself held up big bits of card which he had taped on True and False, to coincide with whether the statements about him were true of false. Attempting to “sing” the lyrics to the song whilst he was doing so is one of the funniest and most enjoyable memories that I’ve got.

We finished with a song called Thank You Lynsey thanking her for letting us play her stage. We added in information about things about her that Sophie had informed us about so we could embarrass her slightly, before legging it from the stage.

A few months later, Stefan came over to my house and we attempted to record the songs. There is a link below, but they are not as good as the originals, especially as they are lacking several instruments and I attempted the drums by filling a container with coins which really doesn’t work.

 Although the band never officially split up, they have been on an indefinite hiatus. Perhaps there will be a reunion one day. Judging from how many times my old band have had reunions, nothing can be ruled out.

The band:
Stewart Cork – “singing”
Stefan Birkett – guitar
Ben Bailes – vocals, whistle and pretend trumpet
Layla Silbert – toy xylophone
Tom the Drummer – pots and pans

Songs from Dan Light’s Diary:
1 No Cash Back
2 Ballad of Dan Light
3 Hobo Joe
4 Piracy Funds Terrorism
5 Hotter Than The Med
6 Nice Guys Finish Last
7 Layla’s Birthday
8 Thank You Lyndsey

A version of these songs can be heard at https://soundcloud.com/pirates-2/sets/songs-from-dan-lights-diary

Toot toot, Thomas

Today I have renewed my annual rail ticket. This will mean that I have been commuting to London for a whole year.

I never intended to become a commuter. It happened by accident. I was looking to move to working for a not for profit organisation and opportunities were limited in my home town, so I started to look further afield.

Before I began commuting, I had certain opinions on what it would be like to be a commuter. I knew a few people who did it before I started and had chatted with them about their experiences. I thought that I would feel important heading into the city every day, I thought that my work would feel much more important and poignant working in the nation’s capital). I imagined that the train would be bustling and lively with a sense of camaraderie as we would all be doing the same march to the Big Smoke each day. I think I had a rose tinted view. I also thought that I would be able to spend the additional travel time reading, learning and generally broadening my horizons.

On the downsides, I thought that the travel would be quite draining and that I would want to go to sleep around 7pm every day (I’ve always been quite a tired person and I imagined getting up earlier would make this much worse) and that a massive chunk of my salary would now be spent getting to work when I had previously been able to stroll 15 minutes to the office.

I thought that one year in is a good time to review what the reality is of my commute and whether it has met my expectations.

At over £6,000 a year, I would have thought I should expect a good service. My annual gold card should allow me certain perks. Such as upon arrival in London, Boris Johnson personally greeting me in a helicopter and taking me to my onward destination. Or if that is too much to ask, perhaps a friendly Network Rail worker to give me a high five and a coffee as I step off the train.

Unfortunately this is not the case. What my gold card does entitle me to is unlimited travel to and from my destination, as well as stopping off at any point along the way. As my destination is broadly defined as London, and there are a number of possible routes in, this actually allows me to travel to almost anywhere within my local vicinity. This is a nice perk. And the fact that I can get to London for free whenever I want has also been nice. I’ve done a bit of sightseeing and it has also reduced the cost of my travel when I’ve gone on holiday, especially as I can get discounts for anyone travelling with me.

The service has worsened since I started. This time last year, my train would be a six carriage train which would combine with another six carriage train for most of the route, meaning that there was almost always enough space for everyone . This has now just become a single six carriage train and so is often standing room only. When there are cancelled or delayed trains, it starts to become much little a chicken coop.

In my head, when a company gets more people travelling, it is getting more revenue and therefore should be able to buy more carriages. I have pointed this out to SouthEastern on several occasions, along with the fact that they made £12m profit last year despite being voted the worst rail operator although it looks unlikely that we’ll get extra carriages any time soon. It is almost enough to make you want to stop travelling by rail and, along with the fact that I am just contributing to London’s overcrowding problem which has pushed rents sky high and started to force people out of the city, has led me to consider finding something else closer to home.

As an operator, SouthEastern tend to be too defensive and not open to suggestion or discussion. They reply to comments on Twitter only when asking from help. If you email them, they send long replies largely missing your point. They have Meet the Manager sessions but largely at inconvenient times and locations for commuters. They appear to have taken the ostrich approach to customer service.

You can easily see why they are the worst if you go on another operator. Even though others may not be amazing, you can still tell the difference with what you are getting for your money. HS1, which I get every day is quite clean (although poorly designed for when it is overcrowded). Any other part of SouthEastern is in comparison, really quite unpleasant. It is different in other parts of the country, Virgin for example, is quite a pleasant experience in comparison. Even our local buses are more pleasant, now including wi-fi and aeroplane style comfortable seats.

First class on a SouthEastern journey – other than HS1 which doesn’t offer this – might cost you over twice as much but basically gets you nothing extra. Having sat in First Class when a train was overcrowded (an onboard manager – ticket inspector for anyone who hasn’t traveled on trains recently – told me to. I wasn’t being naughty), I can confirm that the experience is no better than a regular seat in any discernible way and is definitely not worth splashing out on.

As expected, I have been getting up a lot earlier than previously, and this has had a knock on effect on how tired I have been especially by Friday evening after a week of travelling. My stamina has been increasing slightly but it is still a drain. I find it difficult to sleep while I’m travelling as I’m paranoid that I’ll miss my stop, so I’ve been looking for alternative ways to get a little more sleep. A couple of weeks ago I bought an amazing breakfast caddy which allows me to prepare my breakfast the night before and eat it on the go. This has been getting me 15 minutes extra in bed each morning so far with the plus side of making me eat a little healthier.

The camaraderie – which I’m not sure why I expected – doesn’t exist at all. If you’re the first to the platform, you’re almost certainly not going to be the first onto the train. The British appear to no longer be as good at queuing as we once were. Everyone seems to think that they have the right to be the first on the train despite the fact that we all pay the same extortionate price. There was even one occasion when a fellow passenger used his bike to barge me out of the way to get on first. The one exception to this is the chap that always gets on the same carriage as me first thing in the morning. Whichever of us is at the station last will very politely offer to allow the other on first. This sense of politeness seems to dissipate the closer you get to London. From this I conclude that living near to London makes you grumpy and rude.

I did start to feel important for the first few weeks of being a commuter. This wore off quite quickly though. It can still be exciting when you arrive in the city and it is quite bustling and it does give you a bit of a lift but this is only temporary. To increase my feeling of importance, I like to smash my way through both of the double doors as I exit Westfield to make myself feel as strong as the Incredible Hulk (whilst knowing deep down inside that they are intended to swing open quite easily).

Walking through Westfield is fine in the mornings before the shops have opened but I get quite annoying at hometime when it is full of shoppers. Actually, shoppers are fine. It is the dawdlers, the people who don’t pay attention to where they are walking as their head is in their phone, and those that walk in groups taking up all of the pathway or those that stand still and make no allowance for the fact that people might need to get past. Then out comes my inner rage as I mutter inside my head about how bad mannered and impolite they are.

Another poor thing about the service is the communication when there are delays. There is an announcement of the delay with an automated apology along with a vague reason why it has occurred but often no indication of when it will be resolved. There will occasionally be a message advising that you can use your ticket on alternative London stations, although the only time I’ve attempted to do this, the length of the tube journey to the alternative station plus the additional time of the journey meant that I would have been home earlier had I waited for the problem to be resolved. One of the reasons I didn’t wait was due to the fact the announcement and apology of the delay was being repeated every minute and was doing my nut in.

When you are delayed, you do get to claim delay repay if your journey is disrupted by at least 30 minutes. I have managed to accumulate almost £90 of vouchers which will be going towards a discount on my season ticket, which is a shockingly high amount of time that I must have spent waiting for trains, especially when you consider that my standard voucher is £5.50.

The longest I must have been delayed when walking to work would maybe have been a minute attempting to cross a road. I previously walked 15 minutes each way to work. I currently walk 15 minutes to and from the train station each side of my journey. With a train journey of 46 minutes if there are no delays, my total time spent travelling each day is now 152 minutes. Let’s round it up to 160 to include time waiting for the train each way and I’m spending 2 hours 10 minutes longer to get to and from work each day than I was previously. I know I was fortunate to live so close before, but this puts things into perspective and makes me realise that long term, I want to be working closer to home.

Another thing that you soon get to grips with is that as soon as you get outside of central London, connections become much poorer. The company I work for has several offices. The one nearest to me as the crow flies is in Sidcup but the rail network is not designed to allow me to get there easily and it takes me at least twice as long as my regular commute (at the best of times).

Reading has been the main thing I’ve appreciated about being a commuter. I’ve read 66 books in the year that I’ve been commuting. There are downsides. Sometimes it is difficult to get into a book so early in the morning or being so braindead on the way home that it’s too difficult to focus. Or if you have people who decide that talking on public transport before 9am is an acceptable thing to do. Generally, it has been good me time that allows me to relax and plow through the massive pile of unread books that I have accumulated.

Another enjoyable thing is the se_tranes parody account on Twitter (formerly se_raleway) because if you can’t laugh at how much you’re being screwed over, then you’re going to get really rather grumpy about it. To conclude, commuting is alright if you can deal with it, keep your sense of humour and sanity and if the rewards are worthwhile. Otherwise, it can be draining and demoralising and just add more misery to your working day.

My Darkest Hours: 4 days without a phone

I was without a mobile phone from Monday until yesterday evening. Whilst I try to stop it from controlling my life, it did feel as if I’d travelled back in time to the dark ages. Initially I thought it would be great to be free from being tied to it. That I would no longer feel tempted to look down and check Facebook or Twitter or e-mail every 30 seconds but instead to enjoy the moment in which I am living.
I didn’t realise just quite how reliant I am on my phone. Even the simplest things have become much more difficult without it. Let’s talk through the difference that it has made to my daily routine.

My phone has for many years been my alarm clock. It has ensured that I wake up early enough so that I don’t miss work. Admittedly, my body almost always wakes me up before my alarm goes off (damn you, body!) but there are instances when this doesn’t happen and so I need to have a mechanical fall back for this purpose. I had to work out how to set my alarm on my bedroom clock and also to remember to set it every night (without my phone to remind me to do so, no less!)
I then have around 40 minutes every day when I am walking to and from the train station. Usually I’ll be listening to a podcast and blocking out the noise of the traffic and pedestrians. My phone has provided this purpose for the last 2 years after my 10 year old iPod gave up the ghost. Now I hear the traffic and the pedestrians. This in itself isn’t too annoying – the sounds of nature can be quite pleasant – but I like feeling productive and spending the time learning what is going on in the world. I’ve been listening primarily to sports and politics podcasts which fills the time nicely. I’m starting to feel slightly less up to date having not been able to listen to anything since Friday.
Then there is my sense of direction. Google Maps on my phone is the reason that I’m not stuck in a field in the middle of the West Country after getting lost attempting to find my way home from a trip to Yeovil 8 years ago. My sense of direction is bad. Really quite bad. Yesterday, I had to visit an office in Westminster for a meeting. Without my phone, I felt worried. I studied the map and directions on my PC for about 10 minutes prior to leaving, as well as printing them off for good measure. I made it fine – it was only a 5 minute walk from the tube – but it was touch and go for a while.
There are several apps that I have become tied to. I’ve been trying to eat more healthily and lose a little weight, so I’ve been using the MyFitnessPal app to help me monitor my calorie intake, ensure that I do enough exercise and also get enough vitamins and iron. (Side note: I’m pleased to say that it has helped me lose around 10 pounds so far, and that this is weight and not sterling).
I’ve also been trying to learn Spanish. This is an ongoing item on my bucket list. A couple of months ago I started using the Duolingo app which I am addicted to. It reminds me when I should be practicing, I’ve got a daily goal and it works out what areas I’m weak at and helps me to go over them. In short, it’s the first way of learning that I’ve been able to get really engaged in (having tried books and CDs as well as an online course) and therefore the first that has helped me make any real progress. It also told me recently that I’m 43% fluent which is clearly a load of poppycock as I don’t even know how to say “well, that’s clearly a load of poppycock” in Spanish yet.
I use my phone as a shopping list. When I get to the supermarket, I stand no chance of remembering what it is I actually need. I’ve got a poor memory. What I do have is a good sense of planning. When I run out of something, I add it onto my shopping list app. When I decide what I’m having for dinner, all the ingredients go into the app. Then when I get to the supermarket, I don’t have to use my brain at all as my phone is my substitute memory.
There are workarounds for all these apps, however the reason I use them is because they’re very convenient and because they work. Not having them has made my life that little bit more complicated.
Another issue that I’ve encountered is that I don’t know anyone’s phone numbers. Except my parents as that has been the same for the last 20 years. Communicating with anyone else therefore presents issues.
I’ve also had to go back to the old school method of arranging to meet people. I will tell them where and when I will be and then trust that they will be there with no issues. I’ve got so used to being able to check plans via text, or to drop someone a message when I’m on my way, that I had forgotten that we used to do this all the time. It’s more exciting to wait and see if the other party will actually show up.
General communication has become more difficult. Social media allows me to get in touch with people whose phone numbers I don’t know (ie everyone) but it is not the most convenient method. Not everyone checks Facebook messages regularly, and I am only able to do so now when I’m at a computer.
I know that in the grand scheme of things, it’s not much of an inconvenience at all. However this experience of living without a mobile has taught me that, as much as I like to think that it isn’t, my phone is in complete control of my life. The machines have risen. The end is nigh.