Bucket list #46: Do something that scares me

Life is all about experiences. Sometimes to have the best experiences, you have to go outside of your comfort zone.

This was on my bucket list as an abstract concept. Something that I would eventually get aorund to after mentally psyching myself up over the course of one, or maybe two decades or so.

Then, for my 40th birthday a group of friends bought my some really considerate presents to help me fulfil items on my bucket list, including this one and at that point this no longer became an abstract concept.

So I booked it up with trepidation several months in advance and then forgot about it. Then Covid delayed it so I rebooked and forgot about it. Then last week I had to fill out a form and suddenly realised it was actually happening. However the only way I could deal with it was to keep forgetting that it was happening.

I’m not a natural adrenaline junkie. I can barely deal with the tamest of rollercoasters without thinking that I’m definitely going to die horrificially, or at the very least through up and die in an non-horrific manner. So my coping mechanism is to ignore my upcoming demise and try to get on with living my life.

On the morning of the event, I kissed my wife and daughter goodbye for what would most likely be the last time and drove myself off to Headcorn airfield. By the time my friends/support crew had arrived, I had already been to the toilet three times.

Upon getting there, I discovered an airfield covered in mist. After doing the introductory video which, despite being quite light hearted whilst telling you all the information you need to know, made things feel a lot more real and scary, they told us that the weather needed to clear before anything could happen and they don’t know how long that could be.

I then spent the length of a Lord of the Rings extended edition film sitting around and chatting with Natalie, Emma and her foster child and convincing myself that it wasn’t going to happen that day, especially after overhearing one of the instructors say they didn’t think they would be doing anything that day.

I didn’t want to have to go home and come back another day to do it, but at the same time I also didn’t really want to do it that day either, however it would have been the more preferable of the two options. Thinking it wasn’t going to happen made me quite relaxed about it so when they sky cleared and they eventually announced it was going to happen, I didn’t have any time to get really scared about it.

I met my instructor Simon who talked me through everything again, and he did so just before everything was going to happen later. He also asked about how I was feeling, why I was doing it and what I would be comfortable with. The staff there were all excellent at making you feel comfortable in what is, for some people at least, a terrifying situation.

I had paid for a video to be made of my jump and the camera man spoke to me before (and after) and I couldn’t think of anything funny or intelligent to say as I was so nervous about what I was doing.

The plane ride was the closest I will ever get to being in the film Good Morning Vietnam. Simon told me to relax and enjoy the ride and it was relaxing until we got quite high. I was thinking “oh we must be close to where we jump now” and at that point Simon told me we were about half way up.

We got to the jumping height and a few people who were jumping on their own went first and literally dove out of the plane with no fear. I probably could have done without seeing that happen. As we were sat nearest to the door, we were going first. I genuinely don’t remember how we got from sitting to leaving but suddenly my legs were dangling over the edge, the camera man had climbed out and was standing on the side of the plane and within what seemed like no time at all, we were falling to our doom.

The first bit of a dive is when you stabilise. The instructor tells you to basically keep yourself in a set positions and you can then throw your arms out when they tap you on the shoulder. In my head this was going to go on for a while. Getting yourself stable when falling through the air must be difficult enough, but when you have someone attached to you, it must be even more difficult even if they are tucked up in the proper position. This was also probably the most daunting bit in theory as it is the most uncontrolled. Again, I was amazed by how quickly this bit happened. It felt like pretty much no time at all before I was tapped on the shoulder with my arms out in the freefall postion.

All whilst this was happening, the cameraman had been tumbling through the air to get below us and suddenly he was beneath us, upside down looking up at us. It seems obvious now it has happened that this must be how they film you but at the time it freaked me out a little that he was upside down.

The free fall part is the bit that is the reason most people do sky dives. It feels a bit cold initially, and apparently people can subconsciously hold their breath. To avoid this, as soon as it became obvious that we would be exiting the plane shortly, I started consciously breathing and did it for the first few seconds after exciting the plane as well until I found some relative level of comfort and realised I would remember to breathe without having to think about it.

This bit also only lasts maybe 30 to 40 seconds and my brain was pretty much spending that whole time acclimatising itself to what was going on. Before I knew it, the parachute had opened, we were vertical and falling at a much more acceptable pace and I was able to relax into it a lot more.

They asked me after what was my favourite bit and I said everything after the plane – after all of the anxiety about what was going to happen had gone because it was happening, although in hindsight it was probably the parachuting bit because I was able to enjoy what was happening a lot more. There was no fear about the parachute not opening, there was a nice pace and because there was no wind it was really quiet apart from talking to the instructor and the distant hum of the plane. I hadn’t imagined just how quiet it would be away from everything.

Obviously the instructor needed to steer the parachute to get us to be where we were going – this is the reason they can’t fly without visibility, so that we don’t end up on the M20. Simon gave me the option of trying some faster spinny stuff. We tried it, I didn’t like it, we didn’t do any more. However he did steer us through a cloud which was cool although didn’t really feel like anything. I was expecting it to be cool and refreshing.

When you come in for the landing you have to lift your legs up and you effectively slide in. We practiced this and Simon said he’d tell me to do it when we were 10 seconds away from landing. I think he must have a different concept of time to me because we seemed less than 10 seconds away from the ground when he told me to do so, which is good because I’m not sure I could have kept my legs up for that long.

Coming into land was a great relief. The adrenaline was still going for a long time which I didn’t realise until I started talking to Simon and Chad the cameraman and realised how fast my heart was beating and how wobbly my legs were.

I was in a very weird state for a while after the dive. It was almost a sense of disbelief, adrenaline levels starting to reduce and starting to come to terms with what had happened and talking to my friends to try to understand how I had been feeling during the whole thing.

I was asked if I would do it again. I said I would think about it. It was a great experience and I think I would likely enjoy it again a second time knowing what is coming. However, I don’t really have any desire to find out if that is true at the moment.