Category: Christmas

A letter to Santa

I finally got round to writing my letter to Santa this year. As I might have missed the last post, I’ve decided to type it up in the hopes that he sees it one way or another.

Dear Santa,

I know I only write to you once a year. I really should try to keep in touch more, and I can only apologise for this. However, it is a two-way relationship and you can feel free to stop by any time for a cup of tea. If you let me know in advance, I’ll get those cookies you like.

It’s difficult to stay in touch tough – you seem to get busier the older you get and I can only assume that you’ve had to get the elves working even earlier this year with the world’s population continuing to grow. I’ve lost touch with a few people that I used to be close with. I say this every year but I will try to do better at keeping in touch.

I think I’ve been quite good this year. I have been giving more to charity and I’ve been trying to help others when I can, so I’m hoping that I’m on the nice list. Therefore, I’ve got a few special things I’m asking for this year.

Whilst 2016 was a good year for me personally as I got engaged, it wasn’t too great for the rest of the world. Let’s start with the big one – politics. With the results of the EU referendum (is Lapland in the EU? I don’t know), Donald Fart winning the US presidential election and the murder of Jo Cox MP, it seems like the right wing – specifically the extreme right – is on the rise.

I was hoping you might be able to do something about this? Maybe not remove all these people in power (although if you can get rid of Darth May, that would be excellent), but make people generally more tolerant and caring of other people, animals and the environment, then that would make me exceptionally happy. Less authoritarianism and more tolerance would be great. Perhaps you got some conservative MPs George Orwell’s 1984 for Christmas last year? If so, can you please remind them that it is a dystopian novel and not a handbook on how to govern.

Next up is celebrities. Now, I’m not much of a celeb spotter. I don’t know who at least two thirds of the humans on I’m A Celebrity are, but the rate at which they have been dying this year is ridiculous. I know that death is a natural and inevitable part of life, and also necessary otherwise your poor elves would never have a day off. But the rate at which people – cool people – have been going is ridiculous. Could you ask death to take someone that people don’t like once in a while , such as Piers Morgan or Katie Hopkins?

Anyway, I know all of that is a lot to ask, and some of it is probably outside of your control, so if it can’t be done, then some new socks will be fine.

Yours sincerely,
Stewart Cork

p.s. I know that I’ve been arguing quite a lot with people on the Hythe Residents Facebook page. I hope that hasn’t got me on the naughty list. I’m just trying to stand up for all the people that need housing against the NIMBYs. You might not have that problem in Lapland as there’s a lot of space there.

Living on my own

This is one of those posts I meant to write ages ago but then got distracted by many things.

There are lots of things that have been distracting me since I lived on my own in fact. I seem to get caught up in awesome but largely meaningless projects, such as playing through all of the Pro Evolution Soccer games based on a pun or watching all of Battlestar Galactica so that I don’t accidentally kill people for playing in character when we play the board game.
I have been living on my own for coming up to two years now. Initially I thought the best and worst things about it were:

Best – No one steals your milk
Worst – There is no one to steal milk from when you have run out
As time went on, I realised that this things changed and that Tescos is only 5 minutes walk away so if I can’t be bothered to walk that far for milk then I clearly don’t want it enough. Which is a lot actually, but that’s largely due to laziness. However, I have also learnt that if I wake up and there is no milk for my fake Frosties then I get exceptionally grumpy.
For around 10 years after moving out of home, I had houseshared with between 1 and  4 other people at various points. There is always someone hanging out for a chat or to play a game or to “banter” with, as I believe the kids are calling it these days. I used to just call it “picking on Lewis because he was ginger*”
This is one of the things that I have missed most about living on my own. There isn’t someone around to get me out of a slump if I get into one. I have spent a lot of time just doing very little productive (see the aforementioned projected) on my own and being quite anti-social. 

As part of my new year’s resolutions mentioned on my bucket list, I am going to try to reconnect with people I haven’t spoken to enough recently and also spend more time with those around me. This is what you need to do to prevent yourself going completely crazy. 

I would say that is the main downside of living alone. The other downside I’ve found is due to having bought my flat, when things go wrong is that you have to be a Grown Up and work out who it is that you have to call or how to fix it yourself. There is no landlord to phone up and tell to fix things. 
However, having spoken to a few people who lived on their own before I did, they all said they couldn’t go back to sharing and I can see why. Having your own space is awesome. You can do whatever you want. These are some of my favourite benefits to living on your own:
  • You can go to the toilet or shower with the door open. I have no idea why this is good but it is. It makes you feel a little less enclosed, I guess.
  • You can wander around naked. Admittedly I don’t do this very often, partly because my friends Amanda and Ian moved in directly opposite me (personally I think they were stalking me very badly) and could see directly into my flat.
  • You can put up the Christmas decorations whenever you want. You don’t have to wait until Lewis has seen the Coca Cola advert or for it to be December or any other silly conventions like that.
  • You have complete control over the TV. This means there is no-one to get annoyed that you’re watching The Muppets for the 15th time.
  • No-one will take the mickey out of you when you want to listen to Avril Lavigne.

So in conclusion, I don’t think I’ll go back to sharing a home until I get married to Drew Barrymore.

* Please note that there were many other reasons why I picked on Lewis other than just his hair colour.

I’m an atheist but I love Christmas

I have just finished writing my letter to Santa. I write one every year. For anyone thinking of doing the same, please note he appears to have moved according to Royal Mail. He can no longer be reached in Lapland, but in at Santa’s Grotto, Reindeerland, SAN TA1.
Now, I am well aware that Santa doesn’t exist (I hope there aren’t any kids reading this) but there is something cathartic and beneficial in trying to explain why you have been good enough over the past year to justify getting what you want from Christmas.
One year I got a response with some stickers. I am a bit worried that they’ll think I’m five. Or special. Or both. It’s totally worth sending the letter though.
I probably won’t get what I want anyway. I don’t like telling people what I want usually. I’d much rather they got me something that they think I’d like but probably wouldn’t have thought of buying. Although this year, I know I’ve got what I want as I have bought it for myself.
As mentioned in the title, I am a devout atheist – perhaps more on that another time – and I have no sentiment for the fact that some dude called Jesus was allegedly born a couple of thousand years ago. He never invites me to his birthday parties anyway.
What I love about Christmas is I guess what is often referred to as Christmas spirit. I love the way that everyone seems to be a little bit happier. I first noticed this when I was working in a newsagents and on Christmas Day everyone was a bit chirpier and nicer. Customers who wouldn’t really speak to you would wish you a merry Christmas or ask you your plans or smile when they wouldn’t usually.
The fact that for a short time each year, everyone is a bit more considerate of each other and buys presents for the important people in their lives is just fantastic. I wish that people bought each other presents more often and didn’t have to be told to do so but in the absence of that, Christmas fills the hole nicely. It doesn’t matter whether the presents are good or bad, either. It matters that people are doing something nice for others.
I love everything that comes along with Christmas as well. I love the pretty lights and decorations (and Folkestone has some really lovely lights this year). I love Christmas films. Muppet’s Christmas Carol is my second favourite film of all time and when watching other versions I get confused that there is only one Marley.  I love Christmas songs. I know they’re just like normal songs, but just a bit happier.
The thing is though, I like happiness. I love people, I love the world, I love life and when I’m down then I get down about being down. Christmas is full of happiness and cheer and it’s the most wonderful time of year.