Stewart

Everyone told me to watch Breaking Bad so I did

It usually takes a few people to tell me that something is worth seeing before I eventually get around to watching something on television.

Despite the fact that half of this blog seems to be about TV, I don’t actually watch very much of it. I know what shows I like and I stick to them. And during football season, most of my viewing time is taken up with watching Match of the Day.

Recently, a ludicrous number of people have told me to watch Breaking Bad. So many that if it sucked, I would only have a few people whose opinions I still respected.

So, after reducing my Lovefilm subscription, I manged to save enough to subscribe to Netflix without any additional cost. I instantly fell in love with Netflix as well. For some reason, their user interface on both the Playstation 3 and the iPad seems to be so much better than Lovefilm’s that they’re not even in the same ballpark. And they also have a couple of Richard Herring stand-up shows which is another selling point.

Last night I finished watching the first series of Breaking Bad. It’s only 7 episodes and I managed to watch it in two days. I can sum up my thoughts in one word: wow.

It really is good television and I’m pleased that I can still trust the opinions of many of my closest friends.

The premise is quite simple – a science teacher dying of cancer teams up with a former student to make crystal meth in an attempt to leave his family well off after his death.

As it’s such a simple premise, I have been wondering at times where they’re going to go and how they’re going to make five seasons out of the idea. It has been slowly revealing more and more plot details and I’m not worried that it will become stale. Different people have told me that the endings of season 3 and season 4 are both incredible and the way that the show is written gives me confidence that it will continue to be good.

There are only a few key characters and I didn’t find the show slow to get into – although someone had suggested that I would – because of this. I got invested into the characters quite quickly as the main ones feature heavily in each episode and are very well defined.

I am especially fond of Walter Junior. He is a character with cerebral palsy and having looked after someone with it for the best part of a year in a former job, I was pleased to see such a positive representation on a prominent TV show.

The intervention scene in episode 5 is especially well written. It’s definitely my favourite bit so far. My least favourite bit was the fact that they decided we needed to see Walt’s naked bum. I’m not a prude but I’m wondering how much they had to pay him for the nude scene and whether that extra money could have been spent on getting Jessie to say “yo” or “bitch” a few more times instead. As I would have found that preferable.

But yeah, the intervention scene – wow. So well written. All of the characters are brilliant, well fleshed out and have their own consistent opinions and that scene shows that off perfectly. It wouldn’t have worked if one of the elements was not spot on. If anyone wants to learn how to write, they could do a lot worse than watch that scene repeatedly.

Most amazing thing I have learnt from watching the show that I should have already known before if I wasn’t so stupid: crystal meth is actually crystals. It seems to logical when you say it like that but I genuinely had no idea. I’m such a poor naive muggle in these matters.

As I mentioned, I really have no idea where the show is going to go. I’m hoping that it ends with Walt dying and going to heaven and God saying: “yeah, so you made all that money to look after your family. Kudos. However, you did it by doing a naughty naughty thing, so unfortunately you’re heading to hell” and then Walt turns up in the sequel to Chuck Palahnuik’s Damned which is conveniently released a few weeks after the final episode is going to be aired.

So, in conclusion, everyone who told me to watch the show was right. It’s the bomb, yo. If you haven’t watch it, you should do. Netflix gives you a free month so it’s worth checking out. Now I am off to watch seasons 2 through 5. See you all in a few weeks.

How Do You Eat Yours?

Last month, I found 31 different ways to eat creme eggs. You can see video evidence and recipes if you go here.

The reason this started is because I’m really bad at saying no to challenges.

The reason the challenge came about is because I got 48 Cadbury Creme Eggs for £5 as they were due to go off at the end of July and Bass – who is fast becoming my nemesis – suggested that I’d need to eat them at the rate of more than one day. I thought this would be easy and I was happy to eat one per day and throw the remaining 17 away.

I can’t remember which of us it was suggested finding a different way to do it each day. I’m going to blame Bass because he’s not here and it’s easier to put the responsibility on him rather than accepting that I’m stupid enough to come up with the idea on my own.

The challenge wasn’t actually too difficult. The trickiest part was being creative enough to come up with 31 different ways to eat a creme egg. If you look at the videos, you may see that some ideas are much weaker than others.

What I have learnt from this experience is that you should never dismiss food combinations that sound like they wouldn’t work without giving them a go. Unless I have advised you not to. I recommend never pickling a creme egg. It is possibly the most horrendous thing I’ve ever tried to eat. It was one of the few that I wasn’t able to finish as I felt like I was going to be physically sick.

However, a scotch creme egg is not as bad as it sounds. It actually made me feel bad about the time I went to Chom Choms and laughed at someone who was eating jelly beans with their curry.

I have also cooked in ways that I’ve never cooked before. I finally learnt how to make cheesecakes properly, I made a lava cake (which if I’m being honest, I’d never heard of before) and I made a creme brulegg which turned out to be my favourite of all the ways of eating a creme egg that I tried, just ahead of a creme egg hot chocolate.

Most importantly though, I have learnt how not to make egg fried rice. I will try to put this right at some time in the future. I am likely to be more adventurous in the kitchen after this experience. I want to try out a few of the things that I have tried in their non-creme egg version.

At the moment, I will tend to have three or four meals that I’ll eat pretty much every week and I have realised that my diet isn’t varied enough. I am also now looking to lose a bit of weight in the three months before my birthday having put on quite a bit through both the creme eggs and the items I have been eating them with.

As I was putting links to the videos up on Facebook and Twitter thinking that maybe one or two people would watch them, I was amazed by how many people I bumped into had watched one or two and asked me about what I was doing and took an interest in it. Mostly, I am just grateful that no-one called me a complete idiot for doing this. At least not to my face.

My ten favourite movies and what that says about me

In reverse order, these are my all-time desert island top ten films and what I think their inclusion on this list says about me.

10. Die Hard

Why I love it:

Quite simply, Die Hard is the best action movie ever made. There is not a single fault in it and it is not tarnished by the weak points in some of the sequels. Bruce Willis kicks arse, men want to be him, women want to be with him. Alan Rickman is – as always- awesome as Hans Gruber and makes a brilliant foe for McClane to go up against. It also inspired this amazing song.

What this says about me:

I am a man. I like it when things blow up. I like watching a good man give the bad guys what they deserve. I like well written action films where you actually care about what’s happening such as Die Hard and not hastily thrown together pieces of crap like A Good Day To Die Hard (please don’t get me started on how stupid that film is).

9. Swingers

Why I love it:

Vince Vaughn is awesome. He’s one of my favourite actors despite the fact that he’s done some mediocre films. This is the first film I saw him in and he’s so money. It’s about the shallowness of one-night stands and pretending to be someone you’re not because ultimately that’s not what will get you the right person for you.

What this says about me:

I am a hopeless romantic. I want to go to Vegas.

8. The Wedding Singer

Why I love it:

DREW BARRYMORE. (She is my ideal woman but more on that another time, perhaps). It glorifies the 80s whilst mocking them slightly at the same time. It’s a lovestory where the guy gets with the girl who you want him to get with at the end in a slightly cheesy fashion but I don’t care because you get so invested in them getting together that it’s just perfect anyway. And the Somebody Kill Me Please song. And Steve Buscemi. And the old woman doing Rapper’s Delight.

What this says about me:

I am a hopeless romantic. I love music even if it’s cheesy. I love Drew.

7. Empire Records

Why I love it:

I think you fall in love with every character in this film with the possible exception of Rex Manning. It’s all about music. Only it’s not. It’s all about record stores and bringing a misfit community of kids together and helping them fulfil their dreams. Only it’s not. It’s all about sticking it to The Man. Only it’s not. It’s about all these things and more.

What this says about me:

I love the sense of belonging which this film puts across. I want to be part of something that means something. I love 90s alternative rock.

6. Hot Fuzz

Why I love this:

I giggled like a little schoolgirl the entire way through this at the cinema. It’s a film about someone understanding how to adapt themselves to the environment that they’re in whilst still at the same time being able to look after their peace lily. It’s a bromance. It’s about belonging.

What this says about me:

I giggle like a little schoolgirl at the type of humour in this film.

5. Fight Club

Why I love it:

It’s amazing. It’s a film about destroying the world but makes me feel positive about things. I’m not quite sure how that works. It’s nihilistic but hopeful. There’s that bit with the penguin in the cave where Ed Norton slides with it which has inspired an item on my bucket list. Bob has bitch tits. It’s about being manly and aggressive to understand the world which doesn’t seem like it should work. Where Is My Mind as the city explodes. It’s just so iconic. It proper blew my mind the first time I saw it.

What this says about me:

I’m angry on the inside. I want a sense of belonging. I have no idea who the right woman for me is as I think she’s the wrong woman. I don’t know. This film just kicks arse.

4. High Fidelity

Why I love it:

The book is one of my favourites and it is well adapted. It’s about music. I clearly love films about music. John Cusack is one of my favourite actors and he plays the part brilliantly, as do Jack Black and Todd Luiso.

What this says about me:

Again this suggests that I am a hopeless romantic and I always hold out hope that the girl will get with the guy in the end. This has possibly caused issues in real life. I am obsessed with music – although less so now I have got older and out of touch with the modern music bands.

3. Muppet’s Christmas Carol

Why I love it:

I love Christmas. I love the Muppets. I love A Christmas Carol. The songs are incredible. Michael Caine is incredible. Gonzo is a brilliant storyteller. The film is just so cute and lovely and never fails to put a smile on my face. It’s a ritual for me to watch this film just before Christmas every year and it will really get me in the Christmas spirit.

What this says about me:

Christmas is my favourite time of year. I will not grow up. I have a lot of faith in people and hope that they will earn redemption. I find muppets ridiculously cute.

2. The Muppets

Why I love it:

MORE MUPPETS! The film is brilliantly done. It’s completely respectful to the original muppets show/films and has some kick arse songs and great performances. I watched this film about 5 times within 2 weeks of buying the DVD and I could probably have watched it more without getting bored of it. It just makes me feel all happy inside.

What this says about me:

I love the idea that an outsider can find some way to fit in. I’m all for social inclusion and that. I love the idea of a group getting back together to put aside differences to unite and fight for one goal.

1. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Why I love it:

Since I was very little, this has been my favourite film and I’m not sure that is ever going to change. I love Roald Dahl and despite the fact he wasn’t completely pleased by the film, I wouldn’t change a single thing. It really gets the flavour of the book and the performance of Gene Wilder is in my opinion one of the best ever committed to film. He is at times crazy, brilliant, evil, kind and generous – and it fits perfectly. It doesn’t seem disconnected as perhaps the Johnny Depp version sometimes does. It doesn’t feel like it needs to explain itself. It is aimed perfectly at the child viewer just as Dahl’s writing is aimed perfectly at the child reader.

What this says about me:

I will never, ever, truly grow up. I will always be a dreamer in some way. I will always hope that I will end up living in a chocolate factory and – after visiting Cadbury World earlier this year – I want it more than ever. I want to live in a world where you get rewarded for being good and knowing right from wrong rather than stealing everlasting gob-stoppers and giving them to the badman.

Conclusion:

My ideal film would be a muppets film based around music and social inclusion where the guy gets the girl in the end but aimed at children and is funny. With Drew Barrymore and explosions. Someone please make this film, many thanks.

Bucket List Item Completed – 17: Complete Super Mario Bros. 3

I’ve never really been very good at computer games. I don’t have the patience or concentration span and will

often rage quit whilst throwing the controller down in anger, claim that all computer games are impossible or tell my opponent I’m letting them win so they don’t cry.

When I was little, my friend Arran who lived two doors down from me had a NES and I used to go round all the time to play Super Mario Bros. I was always Luigi as it was his console and from that point onwards, my character whenever I have a choice on Mario Kart or Mario Party will always be Luigi. I think that he must have had a hard time of it, always living in the shadow of his older, more popular brother with better facial hair. It gave me empathy for what my own brother must feel every time he is around me.

I was always a bit jealous as it wasn’t for another year or two that we were to get a NES ourselves. Anyone who has played any of the Mario games will likely know how enjoyable and addictive they are. They are set at a level where they are difficult enough to keep you having to learn a few new tricks but not too difficult that the end of the tunnel seems too far away. They are generally beautifully crafted games which don’t require too much intellectual investment which makes them perfect for gamers of any age to enjoy.

We got a NES and then a little later a SNES. When we were able to prise my mum away from playing Dr Mario, my favourite game was Super Mario Bros 3. I can’t remember much about the second game but from playing it for 30 seconds now, it seems to be not as good or intuitive and have gone off on a different path, replacing coins with the more Pacman like cherries. The third game is more true to the original whilst adding enough new elements to it to make it unique and interesting.

However, I didn’t have the patience or time to complete the game which – at the time – didn’t annoy me. It wasn’t until my OCD of not finishing things that I’d started kicked in that the fact that I’d not completed one of my favourite games from my childhood became a bugbear of mine.

Around 8 years ago, I borrowed my housemate Tommy’s NES to attempt to complete the game. I got some distance through but got stuck on a tricky level. The original NES version of the game does not allow you to save your progress and so I ended up leaving Tommy’s NES on for two days straight so I could attempt to finish it when I got home from work.

The SNES version we had on Super Mario All-Stars did have a save function which made me feel embarrassed that I hadn’t completed it at the time. What made me even more embarrassed a while ago was watching this guy beat the game in 11 minutes flat on the YouTube. I was reassured by all of the comments from people complaining that they never managed to complete the game. I have just read more of them and discovered that the video is a tool-assisted speedrun. I don’t entirely understand what that is but I’m going to take it to mean that the dude cheated.

I decided that I was going to finally kill off the feeling of annoyance in style by playing the game on an emulator on my 38 inch TV. I found on eBay for a tenner a Retrolink NES USB Controller (pictured here) that I could plug straight into my PC and play it as if it was the original game.

I plugged it in excitedly and fired the game up. It didn’t disappoint. Some games that you loved, when you play them now, have aged dramatically and feel clunky and sometimes unplayable. Not Mario. The games are almost timeless and I can imagine that even in another few generations of game consoles time, they will still be played due to their simplicity and brilliant design.

I managed initially to go at the rate of one world every half an hour which is good, because that’s generally how long my concentration span could last before my mind would start to wander and I’d go off and do something else. I was a little shocked when I came to the first mushroom house and Toad tells me that he will give me something that will help me on my quest which appears to be a marijuana leaf (it is a racoon leaf however in the mushroom house it’s green but when you get it in a level, it is red). Musrooms, pot… I wouldn’t let my kids play this.

Every time you get to the castle at the end of the level, you meet a Toad who tells you that the king of that world has been transformed and that you have to go find the wand to transform him back. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I was a king and has seen the kings of maybe 2 or 3 other worlds fall foul of one of these spells I’d up my security slightly because one Toad clearly isn’t enough against a determined Koopa.

The game becomes more difficult around world 4 or 5. The levels become trickier with more dexterity required and larger number of baddies who have better ways of attacking you. However once you learn the way they move, attack or how to make Mario move in certain ways, then the game becomes easier and in fact, I found the end of the game slightly anti-climatic as I managed to mop up the last few levels relatively easily.

You do get a HILARIOUS joke from the game designers who try to persuade you that the game is not yet over and then a funky piece of music with a video recapping each of the worlds which I enjoyed doing a celebration dance to.

I am very glad I have completed this so that another niggling thing at the back of my mind will disappear.

We don’t like cricket…

Cricket is one of those sports that I’ve never really got. I mean, I understand all the rules but I’ve never really got the fascination with it.

I used to play when I was little. When I was around 12 or so, I’d go along to Folkestone Cricket Club juniors every Friday night. It was quite good fun but I don’t remember being any good. The only two things that stick out in my mind as happening whilst I was there are being told that Cameroon had beaten Argentina in the 1990 World Cup and once – and only once – bowling out the best cricket player in my class at school.

I don’t really like the idea of someone throwing something hard at me as fast as they can so I’m not too keen on batting and I’m always worried that I’ll fail to catch a ball that’s coming straight at me (mainly because it often happens) and I can’t throw very well so I was never great at fielding. The only part of my game that could have been classed as almost adequate was bowling, however I was a confidence bowler and after being hit for six or bowling badly, I’d start to fall apart.

This was evidenced the last time I played cricket about 5 years ago in a one-off game. I bowled one over but within that over I got 13 balls. It was even more frustrating as I’d been practising whilst my team was batting and was doing reasonably well.

I think the thing I liked most about cricket was the unique scoring system used when scoring with pen and paper in the old style scorebooks. I like stats and odd systems of recording data, but that’s probably the accountant in me.

The main problem I have with watching cricket is my concentration span. I struggle to watch a film if it goes on longer than 90 minutes as my mind will tend to wander, so trying to follow a game that lasts for up to 5 days is definitely beyond me.

The one really good memory I’ve got of watching cricket is the 2005 Ashes series when I was living with Lewis. We’d get back from work and catch an hour or two of the day’s play. It was enjoyable because we were having a few drinks, having fun and enjoying all the nicknames the Aussies had for Shane Warne – I think we counted about 7 in total. On top of that, it was a close series which England won and that made it even more enjoyable.

I’ve often thought that I might enjoy cricket more if I’m watching a shorter overs game where they are more likely to just try and whack the ball rather than playing tactical forward defensive shots (or whatever they are called) all the time which is the sort of thing I don’t have the concentration for.

As such, when I got sent a discounted offer for the Kent v Sussex 40 overs match that was only just 3 days after Father’s day, I thought it would be not only a great present for my dad but also a good way to spend some time with my family and to see if I could enjoy watching a cricket match.

My dad loves cricket and when I pop round, he’ll often be watching it on the old telebox. In his youth, he used to umpire matches and this once resulted in him losing some teeth when a fielded ball accidentally went astray and hit him in the mouth. He used to take me to games when I was younger but I’d usually spend the time playing with other children that had been brought along by their dads rather than concentrating on the game. It seemed like a perfect present for him.

I have to admit, the game was actually one of the most enjoyable days of the year so far for me.

I met up with my brother Dan, my dad and our cousin Dom to get the bus up to Canterbury. We got there early afternoon and it happened to be the one sunny day of the week. Dom had worried me by texting me in the morning to tell me to check out the weather forecast which was exceptionally gloomy but we ended up basically sunbathing at the side of the pitch. Getting there an hour early meant we had front row seats nearest to the wicket.

My dad went to get us some ciders and shortly after arrival, the Spitfire Showgirls came round giving out gifts. I was surprised that there were cheerleaders at a cricket match – it doesn’t seem like the sort of sport where there is that level of glamour. They handed us out some flags, some cards with 4 and 6 on either side and some posters. These were to come in exceptionally useful later.

The other people in our party – two of my uncles and my friend Adam – arrived a little later and the atmosphere started to liven up as it got closer to kick off, or whatever it’s called in cricket. Bat off, perhaps?

Sussex batted first and they ended up just knocking us off the park. They got numerous sixes and fours and we only got a few wickets. The mood became a bit more sombre as it seemed unlikely that Kent would overcome their score and record the biggest comeback in 40 over cricket.

However, a few overs they came into bat, the mood became a bit more optimistic. Needing a run rate of 8.4 per over, they initially started off slower but picked up quickly and even my nay-saying Uncle Steve who said they still weren’t scoring quick enough started to think we could do it.

An incredible 118 from 53 balls for Darren Stevens put us well within touching distance and despite losing a couple of wickets near to the end to make it more nerve-wracking, they pulled through to record a record comeback and with a total of 673 runs, recorded the highest scoring 40 over match.

When Kent came into bat, we started using the 4/6 cards that the Showgirls had handed out. For some reason they have “THWACK!” written on them and the first time we got a boundary, I decided to shout it out at the same time. This soon caught on and me, Dan, Dom and Adam were shouting it every boundary and even managing to get some of the crowd behind us to join in as well.

The Showgirls had a few standard dances that they cycled through every boundary and they were moving slightly around the ground. I love dancing even if I’m not very good at it and caught up in the mood of the exceptional comeback, I decided that I was going to try to dance along with them when they were in front of us. I got the first of the dances down – it was literally shaking your pompoms and then lifting your knees, however the second was more tricky. Mostly, I was just glad that they didn’t think I was taking the piss as they seemed to laugh along with us, although they did seem to move round to the next part of the ground rather quickly.

I think generally, I enjoyed getting into a game that I didn’t think I would enjoy and also enjoyed being a bit lairy. I was literally on the edge of my seat for the last 10 overs of the match. It may have been a combination of the alcohol, the atmosphere, the fact that it was such a unique record-breaking game or just that deep in my heart I did actually want to like cricket, but my love for the sport has been if not rekindled then at least kindled.

Vikings

When I was in primary school, I developed a fascination with Vikings. This is why I went to visit the Jorvik Viking Centre in York on my recent road trip around England.

So when I noticed that there was a show named Vikings on Lovefilm Instant, I got excited and decided to watch it as surely 4,083 Lovefilm viewers who have given it an average rating of 4.5 stars can’t be wrong.

The show is exclusively on Lovefilm, as are some new shows that Amazon has commissioned in a move to try to capture part of the TV market and compete with Netflix. Netflix have recently acquired the rights to the latest series of Arrested Development which is a much smarter move as it already has an established fanbase. Lovefilm are gambling on the fact that the fact the show is created by Michael Hirst who also produced the successful Tudors and the general appeal of the era.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Amazon. Lovefilm has been a blessing. Living on my own, it keeps me occupied when I get a bit bored. I am able to stream a random film on a whim. I also love my Kindle. I didn’t think I would, but it’s amazing to be able to download a book and start reading it 30 seconds later. It’s also a lot easier to hold than a big book and the fact that lots of classics I haven’t read are available to download for free appeals to the snob in me who wants to have read these classics.

However, I hate the fact that Amazon is killing off books, bookshops and other local stores and has barely paid any tax. I’m conflicted. Anyway, I digress.

So when, I was at school, I liked the Vikings. They had cool hats, cool boats and even cooler beards. Along with the fact that I need to hide my bum-chin, I think Vikings may have been my inspiration for having had a massive beard throughout most of my adult life.

Watching the show, I discovered that either our teachers glossed over or I forgot about the fact that Vikings spent most of their time raping and pillaging. This now sits uneasy with me. There wasn’t too much mention of it in Jorvik either.

I’m not saying that this is predominant in the show, as it also focuses on the internal politics of the Northmen, but it is a large part of what happens over the course of the nine episodes.

To give a summary of the show, without meaning to give away any spoilers, it focuses on Ragnar Lodbrok who frankly is the only character’s name I can remember as it is the only one that is said over and over. Ragnar may or may not have been a genuine historical figure but is known for his raids upon the British Isles.

He is obsessed with going west, so much so that I was expecting him to start blasting out the Village People hit. He convinces a bunch of his compatriots to join him and go against the orders of the Earl who forbade it. Upon arrival in Britain, they find a town of priests who they barbarically slay with Ragnar capturing one and eventually turning him into his slave.

The priest acts as the voice of the 21st Century Western moral compass, discussing with Ragnar the issues of rape and slavery. I’ve been struggling to decide whether this character is necessary. It feels like it is spoon feeding us what we should think rather than allowing us to make our own judgements.

Later in the series, there is a baby whose father is unknown. Rather than get in Jeremy Kyle, they claim it is a god who fathered it. This is symptomatic of the show where it sprinkles mentions of Norse gods and mythology throughout the show.

Some parts of it are fact, some are fiction and it can be a difficult line to tread. The show is reasonably enjoyable to watch but I think they are wobbling along the line and perhaps by doing so they will please neither viewers who want historical accuracy nor those who want a bloodthirsty drama.

Vikings is enjoyable enough but not worthy of 4.5 stars and has made me reassess my fondness for Vikings.

Bucket List Item 44: Convince Battleska Galactica to reform

This one was a bit of a cheating item, I guess. When I wrote about the life and times of Battleska Galactica, I mentioned that a girl called Hannah Beatton had started a Facebook petition to get the band to play a reunion gig.

For some reason that I am still unaware of, she had put a 6-week deadline on it which was never going to happen as it would have taken me longer than that to remember how to play guitar.

Everyone in the band got on board the idea quite quickly and we planned the gig for December 21st, with four rehearsals scheduled for the two months prior to this. After some discussions around venue, support bands and the like, we ended up playing Stripes with T.A.R, my favourite local band – 3dbs Down – and 7 Day Conspiracy.

We had almost as many drummer issues as Spinal Tap. Pierre has been abroad for what now seems like an eternity and Motown was up for it but as he is making a living out of music and touring and all that exciting stuff, he was unavailable to practice. In place, we called up Baxter – one time former SuperPartyFunTimes drummer (more on that another time) and currently drumming in Battleska offshoot Call Me Malcolm. Motown and his amazing moustache did make it back to play on one hastily rehearsed during soundcheck version of Skank Away Your Heartache which was a nice touch.

We all dressed up in Christmas-related costumes with reindeers, angels, snowmen and Mr and Mrs Santa. However Lewis being Lewis hadn’t arranged his outfit until the day of the gig. He phoned me up and asked what everyone else was doing. After telling him, he managed to forget what I had told him and came as Santa. Which was my costume. I even said “Well this is embarrassing. One of us is going to have to change,” but he didn’t get the hint. I don’t miss Lewis.

Just like in the olden days, Trev’s attendance at the gig was seemingly random. This time he was genuinely gutted about missing out due to an ear infection. Back in the day, Trev used to play both for us and Kingskin and we always knew that they were his first love and we were his bit on the side.

For the reunion show he was the most excited about it. I received a text from him which unfortunately has disappeared from my phone now. I had asked the band whether they would be able to make the gig on a certain date and his reply was something along the lines of: “Why don’t we play next week? And the week after? And the week after that?”

Filling out Stripes again, like it was in the olden days, was pretty cool. I had an awesome night, got drunk and got upset that it all went so quickly. The gig itself was incredible. It was just like the olden days and it made me miss playing regularly.

For some reason, they had put a mic in front of me which – after a brief experiment shortly after I joined the band – was never allowed. This I found to be incredible. I could shout whenever I wanted and talk drunken crap into the mic. It made my day. Being aware that I am not the best of singers and that I don’t know many of our lyrics despite writing a number of them (although to be fair, Luke doesn’t either) I turned the mic around and allowed Dan Light and Emma Gresswell to shout/sing into it as much as they wanted.

For about the past 50,000 years, Skid has been jokingly (I think it was jokingly anyway) trying to kick me out of the band and take my place. I ended up in front of him in the crowd during My Brother Thom and inspiration hit me. I handed him my pick and told him to start strumming. It took him a while to work out what he was doing as I am left handed and he’s right handed, but it sort of worked. He has later told me this was the best moment of his life. I think he needs to get out more.

I don’t remember playing well. I was quite drunk. At the same time I don’t remember playing badly. I do remember that for some reason the amp I was borrowing decided it was going to feedback a lot which was quite annoying although I hope I managed to counter that reasonably well by muting my guitar when I wasn’t playing. Apologies to anyone there if I didn’t manage it well.

I also managed to accidentally break my crowdsurfing virginity. During an unscheduled and underrehearsed version of Sexual Walking, I put down my guitar as I finish playing before everyone else and fell forward into the crowd as I was off balance and exhausted. Somehow this resulted in me getting lifted up and making it half-way through the crowd. I am so accidentally rock’n’roll.

We donated all of the money we received for the gig from the door or some specially made t-shirts and hoodies and sales of some CDs we found we had left over to the Folkestone Winter Shelter. The shelter attempts to provide food accommodation for homeless people in local churches during the winter running from December to February. It’s a great cause and if you have a few pennies spare, I would recommend you donate to them. All in we managed to donate £220 to them which hopefully helped out the great cause.

After the gig, Luke managed to not give me a lift home as had been previously discussed so I had to carry all my gear back to my flat. Fortunately I managed to find a couple of helpers so it wasn’t too bad. We then tried to make it into Chambers but we unable to so I ended up wandering around town drunk and checking out all the amazing messages that had been posted on Facebook from people saying how much they enjoyed the gig and walking home with a smile on my face. It was easily the best thing I did in 2012.

A good friend of mine who was involved in organising the May the Forth celebrations in Folkestone had actually asked me before the December gig whether we would play at the event. I had told him that it would depend on how well that one went but that we were all enjoying ourselves so it was likely we would.

After it was done, I text the band to gauge interest and managed to get everyone on board. I am using that to count that as succeeding in this bucket list item.

The gig was at the Bar Below the View and was maybe a bit less memorable for me. It took a lot more organisation on my part. For the Stripes gig, we had basically let Chester from T.A.R. do the large part of the organisation. For this one, I had to get a bit more involved and also had to do a lot more organising of the band for rehearsals as people were busier this time. It reminded me of how difficult it was to get eight people in the same place at the same time on a regular basis.

Luke was keen for everyone to wear onesies on stage. I’m surprised he didn’t go with the Star Wars theme

and suggest everyone dressed up as characters so that he could be Princess Leia. I happened to have a Chewbacca costume which apparently counted as a onesie so I was able to combine the two. I really wish I hadn’t. I’m generally a bit of a sweaty man but this was ridiculous. I swear I was pretty close to fainting. I was so incredibly drained by the end of it but the gig was worth it as a whole.

For some reason, I decided to do the big fish little fish cardboard box dance instead of playing my solo during Skank Away Your Heartache. I’m not entirely sure why. It definitely seemed like a good idea at the time though.

Most importantly, Luke finally gave me a lift to and from a gig. It was only about 10 years coming.

Again, it was entirely a charity event and all the proceeds went to the Rainbow Centre which runs that Winter Shelter among other projects.

The conclusion from all of this is that I’m too old to do this on a regular basis. On top of that, everyone is so far apart now and grown up and busy for it to be logistically feasible to do this on a regular basis. It was nice to resurrect the band briefly and it made me miss playing music but at the same time made me realise that it is a chapter of my life that is now closed.

If you need a Battleska-esque fix, then please check out Call Me Malcolm who are effectively Battleska 2.0 with Luke on guitar, Lewis’s alter-ego on trombone, Trev on bass and Baxter on the beats.

The band are a natural progression from BSG, with songwriting pushed up slightly to the next level and arrangements simplified (trying to get 8 instruments onto one song at times could be a bit messy). Where in Battleska we were trying to combine The Ataris and Reel Big Fish, Call Me Malcolm sounds more like they are trying to combine Pendulum and Desmond Decker.

So, for now, RIP Battleska Galactica.

Photos borrowed/stolen from Leif Wildman and Kate Wintie/GIGglepics

Why I blog

I will have been writing this blog for two years this month and I thought it might be worth explaining why I do it.

After thinking about it, there are many different reasons. Here they are:

– I live on my own. I moved in just over two years ago and it is probably no coincidence I started up the blog shortly after. After house sharing for around 8 or 9 years, I no longer have someone around all the time to discuss things with. On top of this, I have no-one to keep my occupied when I am bored. There are literally dozens of people in the internet to interact with.

– User-driven content is my favourite part of the internet. It is much more personal and I find it much more interesting. I enjoy reading other peoples blogs – I have now linked to some of my favourite ones which I recommend you check out if you have time – and I hope that other people will enjoy mine in a similar way.

– I am hilarious and this is my gift to the world.

– Sometimes ideas will get stuck in my head and I will need to get them out in order to stop thinking about them. You know like when you get that annoying song stuck in your head and the only way to get it out is to sing it? Sometimes I have that with thoughts.

– This can happen when I get angry and I need to vent.

– On top of this, it helps to have the end goal of writing about something in order to help me worth through my thoughts in a hopefully coherent and logical manner.

– It’d be nice to think that sometimes I make others do the same.

– I am a vegetarian. I get asked fairly regularly why I am and sometimes it can be a bit frustrating to have to explain again why I am. I thought if I wrote why, I might get asked less.

– I am also an accountant. It’s not a particularly creative job and since my band split up, I have fewer and fewer creative outlets. I think I am a frustrated writer stuck spending my day dealing with numbers.

– I like to try to share the stuff that I love with other people in an attempt to make them fall in love with and appreciate the things I enjoy as well.

– I often find other people’s blogs inspiring. The reason I went on my road trip around England to see all the places that I’d wanted to see when I was little but never got a chance to was after reading about a friend who had wanted to visit St Paul’s Cathedral since they were little and finally managed to do so around 20 years later. I hope that I might occasionally inspire others.

– If I have a goal of blogging about something I intend to do then it will force me to do so. Once I’d started my Evolution of Pro Evolution project on the Unbelievable Jeff website, I felt like I had to continue with it through to completion. This is the reason I’ve made my bucket list public, so that people – and by people I mean mainly Natalie – will keep asking me how I’m getting on with it. In Natalie’s case, so that she can point out how much better she is doing at her bucket list.

– Blogging about my life will make it easier for biography writers to more accurately portray my life in years to come.

– It will also help me to remember what I’ve done and how I felt in years to come. It’s the text equivalent of a photo album. I’m very good at forgetting things and writing this blog has at times helped me to remember things that I’ve already done.

– In writing a blog, I can make my life seem much more interesting than it really is.

So, for a large number of all the reasons above, I would still write even if no-one ever reads but I would like to hope that people do.

Stewart’s cork

Yesterday, my friend Bass pointed out that I had incorrectly used Occam’s razor in my post outlining my reasons for being an atheist.

Occam’s razor, as defined by the only reputable source of information, Wikipedia, states:

“that one should proceed to simpler theories until simplicity can be traded for greater explanatory power. The simplest available theory need not be most accurate.”

Bass pointed out that my use of the razor was therefore incorrect because I used it to pick the hypothesis that the universe just exists over the competing hypothesis “the universe just exists because God just exists”. The second of these hypothesis has a greater explanatory power as it explains why the universe just exists.

I have therefore come up with my own philosophical principle which I have termed “Stewart’s cork.”

This principle basically does what I wanted Occam’s razor to do which it wasn’t designed to do. It basically stops arguments from going on and on and on ad infinitum.

For example, where we have said the universe exists because God just exists, we could then ask why God exists and from there get a response along the lines of “Well, when mummy God and daddy God love each other very much….”

We could then ask how mummy and daddy God exist and so on and so on. Stewart’s cork basically says: “Put a cork in it. Let’s stop there.”

There is an implied “BOOM!” at the end of that statement but it is optional and can be added depending on the context and likely reception of the statement.

So when we look at our competing theories on why the universe just exists, we can see that the second could go on and on so we put a cork in it and stop the infinite regression.

It is the equivalent of stopping a child going “whhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” a lot by saying “just because.”

The principle has many other uses outside of just finding a way around Bass’s pedantic arguing. For example:

Assigning blame when two children are fighting.
Let’s assume two random children named Dan and Luke are fighting and we want to punish the one who started it. We can imagine an argument that goes something along the lines of:

“He punched me!”
“He stole my concealer!”
“He hid all my make up!” etcetera.

Stewart’s cork says: “put a cork in it. You threw the first punch. It’s your fault. BOOM!”

Explaining history
I remember when I was at school and we had to learn all the reasons for why the First World War started. Obviously, as it was something I was forced to learn, I can’t remember a single thing about it now, so I’ve had to look it up.

The causes are as follows:
Austria-Hungary declared war against Serbia
because of the July crisis
because Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated
because of the conflicts and hostility in the preceding four decades
because of militarism, alliances….

What this debate really needs is for someone to butt in and say: “Put a cork in it. Austria-Hungary are to blame. They declared war. Without that there might not have been a war. BOOM!”

History sorted.

Mathematics
Pi is an exceptionally long number. In fact, it is so long that its decimal representation never ends and it never settles into a repeating pattern. In short, no-one will ever know what it is. You could start saying that it’s 3.14159… but what you really want to do is put a cork in that bad boy straight away and just say pi is 3. No point in learning much more than that when you’re never going to know the exact number.

If you really, really insist I might allow you to call it 3.1 in exceptional circumstances like if you’re an architect or a brain surgeon or are Santa or some other profession that requires exact measurements.

These are just some of the many possible uses of Stewart’s cork. Please share this amazing breakthrough in thinking with all of your friends. Thanks in advance.

P.S. Fuck you, Bass.

Bucket List item completed – 37: Visit Hadrian’s Wall

I’ve never been able to work out exactly why I wanted to go to Hadrian’s Wall. I’ve wanted to since I was very little. My best guess would be that it seemed like such a preposterously long way to a small child that it would feel like going to the end of the world.

As a grown up who realises that it is less than 400 miles away and who has been on flights that have taken him much further than that, that logic no longer holds up.For some reason I did still want to go, hence why it was on my bucket list.

I booked a week off work and decide to plot a list of other places that I wanted to go and see on the way as it’s quite a long way to drive just to go and look at a ruined wall.

Darwin

First up was Down House in North Kent. I’ve intended to go here several times before as I get free entry being an English Heritage member but have never got round to actually going and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. I got greeted at the door by a woman who was exceptionally excited that a “young person” was a member. I was excited that she thought I qualified as a young person.

The house itself gave a reasonable overview of Darwin’s life on the top floor and the lower floor was preserved as it would have been when he used it. The things that stood out to me – aside from the fact that David Attenborough did the audio guide which was exceptionally cool – were how normal a person Darwin seemed to have been.

He was not an outstanding student, getting decidedly average grades and he seemed to have a great sense of fun, often playing backgammon or billiards with his butler to help him forget about his work.

He also had a kick-ass beard, unlike I was told when I did a sketch of him in school which I was marked down for. As you can tell, I’m still a bit annoyed about that.

Dahl

Next up was a stop in Great Missenden to the see the Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre. Dahl is a bit of a hero of mine as I wrote last September. Since then, I have read through all of his books that I previously hadn’t read and this was one of the things I was most excited about on my trip.

When I turned up, it was obvious that the museum was aimed at children and I was a bit worried that there would be a repeat of the Great Radnor Park Fair incident (see footnote 1).

Fortunately this didn’t happen and the people on the desk were exceptionally nice and just explained to me the route around the museum.

Some of the information in the museum was a bit repetitive, telling us about a few events from Dahl’s life on more than one occasion. Quite a lot of it was taken straight from Boy, so I had already read a lot of it before. This still didn’t hamper my enjoyment of the whole place which, whilst set up for children, was still very magical.

The coolest bit was that they had moved the hut that Dahl did almost all of his writing in from his old house into a museum and preserved it in exactly the state he left it in. It was great to see the seemingly random environment in which he worked. On closer inspection, everything seemed to be set up to be exactly where it needed to be to allow him to write without having to leave his chair.

I found it interesting that both Dahl and Darwin preferred not to write at a desk but at an armchair with a board across their lap. Dahl was also not an exceptional student and it seemed weird that these two geniuses in different fields had similarities in their background. Or maybe I was just reading too much into a couple of coincidences.

They have a height chart on the wall of one of the rooms which allows you to compare yourself in height to many of his characters. This is a simple but brilliantly enjoyable idea. I discovered that I’m the same height as the Vicar of Nibbleswicke which is a little bit shorter than Mrs Twit but slightly taller than Willy Wonka.

After leaving the museum I wandered around the town looking at items that were seemingly inspiration for characters, events or locations in his work. These weren’t overly exciting, although heading out to his grave in the local churchyard was pretty cool. No-one else was there and I always like seeing cool things when no-one else is around. There are two BFG’s footprints leading to the grave which is just such an admirably cute thing to do that it made me want to visit more famous people’s graves.

I then attempted to make my way from there to the nearby motel I was staying at in an attempt to get there in time for the FA Cup Final. I managed to get very lost. There were two main reasons for this. The first is that I had been over-reliant on the sat nav on my phone to get this far and the battery was dying. The second is that I decided then to write down directions so I would be able to find the place even with my phone off. However, I got directions to the wrong place.

This is basically an indication of how good my sense of direction is. Fortunately I managed to use the last drips of my phone battery to get the correct location, directions there and somehow stumble upon it before my phone completely conked it.

I then sat watching the FA Cup final, drinking Monster and eating crisps in a room smaller than most student halls just because it was ridiculously cheap. I know how to live the high life.

From this point onwards, I made sure to write down all the directions the night before and also attempt to memorise the route. This is a life lesson I hope I never forget.

Sherwood Forest

The following morning I got up expecting to have a nice fry up at the motel only to discover that they didn’t start serving until 10am on a Sunday. I couldn’t be bothered to sit around for 2 or so hours to wait so made a move towards my destination for the day and grabbed some over-priced service station food on the way.

I had put the day aside to visit Sherwood Forest. I expected to be able to do archery, fight Little John on a bridge and attempt to win the hand of Maid Marian.

My visit got off to a good start, with a robin greeting me on arrival. I took this as a sign and followed him until he disappeared into a random bush. At that point, I thought it would be a bit weird.

I then saw a sign for a combat performance by the Oakland Outlaws happening in quarter of an hour by the Great Oak which happened to be quarter of an hour away by foot. Now, if you find out that a combat re-enactment is happening in 15 minutes time 15 minutes away from you and you don’t decide instantly to go then you’re probably not human. Or a pacifist. Possibly even a non-human pacifist.

The performance started with the Sheriff of Nottingham asking if anyone wanted to attempt to win a captured Maid Marian’s hand in marriage. Perfect, I thought! The perfect opportunity!

There was a lot of children watching the performance and I didn’t want to spoil it for them so I let Robin Hood be the one to speak up. He knew that I couldn’t have beaten him for he hand, though. I could tell by the way the rest of his performance was poor.

In fact, the whole thing was disappointingly poor. The acting was poor, they followed an illogical and seemingly random plot line with Marian fighting Will Scarlet for some unknown reason. I was quite disappointed really.

Later on, I saw a masked figure marching through the woodland towards me. Had I not seen the character in the performance already, I would have properly pooped my pants there and then.

Overall, the forest wasn’t terribly exciting but it was free and quite pretty in places.

The hotel for the evening was in Leeds. I asked them at the desk if they were serving dinner and got a positive response which excited me. I then got confused by meal system and constantly thought I was going to get told off. I managed to get tangled up in a touring party and was sitting in the wrong place and wasn’t sure what I was allowed to have. In the end I ate too much as I was given the choice of three courses or no courses

Jorvik Viking Centre and other attractions

The following day was spent entirely in York. I had been told by many people that it was a lovely city and it had another thing I had wanted to see since I was in school, the Jorvik Viking Centre.

When I studied Vikings in primary school, I thought they were amazing. Big bearded men with cool hats doing whatever they liked. As I grew older, I started to disapprove of the raping and pillaging part of their culture, but I was still fascinated by their beards and hats. Which is possibly part of the reason I sport a beard myself. That and to hide my bum-chin.

I seem to remember asking my mum if we could go to the Viking centre in York and getting some sort of answer that placated me whilst at the same time she thought “it’s 600 miles away. We’ll just take him to the sea and pretend that one of the boats is a Viking ship.” Or this may have entirely been a fabrication in my head. I’m not sure which.

Anyway, as a Grown Up, I am able to decide to go to these sorts of places if I want to! So I did.

Now, I’m not going to lie, my favourite part of the whole museum was the fact that they had a Viking poo and I’ve pretty much forgotten everything else they had there. I do remember it being an enjoyable experience and that some of the characters in costume have a lot of patience to deal with wave after wave of schoolchildren all day long. I also remember that the last Viking king was called Eric Bloodaxe which is a ridiculously cool name and I immediately texted my friend who was about to become a father for the first time to insist that he called his child that.

There were three other attractions linked to the Viking centre and I managed to make it to two of them. The first was called Dig which is basically an interactive archaeology lesson. The guy at the Viking Centre booked me a timeslot for the tour without telling me that it was pretty much just based at kids. I turned up to Dig to discover that I was the only one booked on the tour. The nice chap there, Adam, was really cool and basically gave me a one-to-one archaeology lesson. I learnt a lot and it actually made me wish that I’d studied history further at school, although I think I was put off by my secondary school’s focus on the two World Wars and not all the cool stuff with knights and castles that I was interested in.

The other was Barley Hall which had an awesome Horrible Histories exhibition and I recommend if you get a chance. I bloody love Horrible Histories.

I also managed to make a quick stop at Clifford’s Tower, an English Heritage property which used to be part of York Castle. I bloody love castles.

As I drove further and further north, I noticed that there were more and more wind farms. I personally find them to be an attractive feature of the landscape. They are like the modern day version of a windmill. The fact that we don’t have them down in the south-east seems to be a bit of “not on my doorstep” snobbery which I don’t understand because they are both pretty and practical.

I also saw a pig farm for what I’m sure is the first time ever although I have been since informed that there is one near to my town.

I stayed at another motel which basically seemed to be a combination of a hostel and self-cleaning portaloos. The toilets freaked me out a bit. The first time I went in, I heard an “ahh” as if the person in the cubicle next to me had just let out a sigh of relief. When it happened a second and third time, I was a little freaked out by the fact that the toilet seemed to be upset at my presence.

Angel of the North

Before I left for my trip, I had asked in a Facebook what one thing people would recommend me not missing on my trip and I decided to try to incorporate as many as possible. One of these was the Angel of the North.

I had seen it on my drive into Newcastle but after doing a little research I discovered that you can park up and walk right up to it/her which I decided to do before setting out for the day.

I arrived there and as with Dahl’s grave, I was the only visitor which made it slightly more magical. It really is an iconic piece of art and is quite inspiring. I liked the artist’s reason for picking an angel which is “because no-one has seen one.” Something quite romantic about that, in a weird way.

Hadrian’s Wall

Then I moved on to what ostensibly was the purpose of my trip, to visit Hadrian’s Wall. I made several stops along the route, stopping at all the manned English Heritage properties and attempting to find a couple of unmanned places as well although they tended not to be as well signposted.

As I travelled from east to west, there was more of the wall available to see and I think I did it in the right direction. I had considered the other way but due to a few things being closed on certain days, this worked out better.

It was like a stripper teasing me by showing a bit more of what I wanted to see every few miles.

I’m not entirely sure what to say about the wall. It is largely still buried or where it has been excavated, it has often been stolen to use for use in other buildings. As such, it would do a very poor job of keeping the Scots at bay if we happened to go to way with them now.

I am glad I went but I was hoping for a bit more.

I am a fan of walls. I like them. They hold my roof in place and stop other people seeing me go to the toilet. However after seeing the Great Wall of China a few years ago, I guess Hadrian’s Wall was never going to be able to compete.

The best part of it was that aside from petrol costs, it was an entirely free day out due to my EH membership, as I managed to refuse every member of staff who inevitably tried to sell me a guidebook upon arrival.

There were a lot of Roman forts along the route all largely made in the same style and I could probably now draw that from memory. It would be a pretty bad drawing, mind, as my art skills are particularly limited.

I was also especially chuffed that I could recognise pieces of samian pottery which Adam from Dig had familiarised me with the previous day.

I ended my day with a visit to Carlisle castle and all I could think pretty much the whole time was that it smelt like kebab shop pizza. It had one of the freakiest areas that I’ve seen in any castle before with a long dark room with a barrel lit up at the opposite end and the sound of bats everywhere.

Bucket List item added: 48 : Climb Scafell Pike

The following day I had intended to spend in the Lake District climbing Scafell Pike. I don’t often fall foul of the doing something because it’s there logic, however mountains seem to be different. Last year I was visiting a friend in Bangor and we decided to climb Snowdon. I thought it would be nice to climb the highest mountain in England this year.

Unfortunately the day on which I had intended to do so, the weather was forecast to be 30 mph winds and heavy rain. Having struggled climbing up a couple of hills along the Hadrian’s Wall route, I thought it would be best to attempt it at a less dangerous and more pleasurable time, so I have added this to my bucket list.

Bucket List item completed – 45: Go on a random adventure with Dan Light

It so happened that Dan Light got in touch with my at this point to meet up with me. He’d previously been busy at a wedding and working but had always intended to join for part of my adventure From this point on, the trip was much less planned anyway as the only thing I had left that I definitely wanted to do was visit Cadbury World, so I arranged to meet up with Dan in Bournville the following day to go there and to plan the rest of our journey from then on.

Cadbury World

I had managed to avoid bad traffic previously except in Gateshead in rush hour and had foolishly assumed that I would never again in my life encounter any problems. I managed to get stuck in slow moving traffic on the M6 and then lost in Birmingham city centre, which ended up with me being two hours meeting Dan.

When I finally got there, Dan made friends with an 82 year old man called John who had given him a brief tour and history of the local area. We immediately went to Cadbury World as it was due to close in an hour’s time and I really really did not want to miss it. Fortunately, that was just the time for last entry and we got a good couple of hours wandering around the factory.

I was hoping but not expecting it to be like Willy Wonka’s factory which is my all time favourite film ever and will probably be so until I die.

I was not disappointed. In fact, I’d say it was even better than Wonka’s factory. I think Dan got a little bit annoyed at me singing “I’ve Got A Golden Ticket” over and over so some of the time I just sung it in my head.

I don’t really want to spoil the experience for anyone who might want to go themselves, as I found it to be a truly magical one.

I will say is that it is quirky in a similar way to Wonka’s which I really wasn’t expecting at all. I was thinking it would just be the tour of some chocolate making facilities but it was much much more of an experience. The chocolate making part of things was awesome as well. They don’t have Oompa Loompas but they do have machines which are actually incredible in how they work.

You aren’t allowed to take many photos there. I’m assuming they are worried about Slugworth getting hold of their secrets and copying their products.

Suffice to say, this was definitely the highlight of my trip. I would recommend it to anyone of any age.

Shakespeare

That evening we decided to stay in Stratford-upon-Avon and watch Hamlet at RSC. This allowed Dan first hand proof of how bad my navigational skills are as, using the GPS on my phone, I managed to lead us to the theatre’s warehouse in the middle of an industrial estate rather than the theatre itself in the town centre.

We managed to get there in time, drank some ridiculously expensive wine and enjoyed a brilliant performance. I had previously decided that I would try to read the Shakespeare plays that I’d not previously read and after this, I am tempted to book a long weekend in Stratford every so often and check out all the plays they are putting on at that time.

The following day, we went to visit Shakespeare’s Birthplace. Which, frankly, is a very overpriced trip to an old house with a couple of videos. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it but just that I didn’t enjoy fifteen pounds worth of fun.

I did find a half price Rough Guide to Shakespeare in the gift shop which I have found very useful so far.

MAD Museum

Another place we visited in Stratford was the MAD Museum – the museum of Mechanical Art and Design. I had been looking on that there internet the night before for things to do and knowing that Dan did a degree in engineering and loves this sort of thing, I decided to take him there as a thank you for enduring me trying to force him to be cultured with all the Shakespeare stuff.

This museum is incredible. Any description of it probably won’t do it justice. Imagine you walk into a mad scientists laboratory and there’s all these things going on all at once with machines doing random things. None of them are functional, all of them are beautiful and fascinating.

I highly recommend this. It was the second best thing I saw on the whole trip and at under half the price of Shakespare’s Birthplace, I would choose to visit this twice and buy an ice cream rather than go to the birthplace if and when I go back to Stratford.

That evening, we stayed at Pontins in Burnham-on-Sea because it was the cheapest place available on the journey to Cornwall. We paid £19 for a four person chalet 2 minutes walk from the beach.

After bonding with the security guards over the fact that Carling tastes like piss, they gave us directions to the beach. We’d bought ourselves a BBQ and food which we enjoyed, watched the sun go down, had some beer and I let Dan beat me at boules.

Eden Project

The final day was spent with a visit to the Eden Project. Looking out of the window of our room in Pontins, it was exceptionally sunny so I thought for the last day of my holiday I would wear shorts and t-shirt!

It turned out to be a bad decision as about 10 minutes into the Eden Project, we had to go back to get our coats.

Eden is a very pretty place and an impressive project. We probably didn’t spend enough time there as there is a lot to see and take in and if you’re rushing around you won’t get too much of it. We do now have annual passes and I may well attempt to go back there at some point. Especially as we missed the opening of the longest zipwire in England by one day.

Bucket List Item completed – 47: Drive across a country from one extreme to the other

After this, we returned home. On my bucket list, I had put down driving across a country from one extreme to the other. Now, technically I didn’t drive from one extreme to the other but I pretty much drove to every corner of England. I wanted to go to Land’s End but the hour each way to do so wasn’t available as I wanted to get back for a friend’s birthday celebrations.

So I am counting it. I don’t care what you think. It’s my list and I drove 1,450 miles which is Land’s End to John o’Groats and most of the way back again, so I am counting it. I make the rules here.

If you want to see all of the photos from my trip, they are up as a Facebook album which I think should be public. If you can’t get to it, let me know and I’ll attempt to adjust the privacy settings.

Footnote:
1. The Great Radnor Park Fair Incident occurred in 2009 when I went to the fun fair with some friends and bought a wristband to allow me to go on any ride. I am not very keen on rides in general and after going on the dodgems, the ghost train and the bumper cars, my friends wanted to go on the rage cage. This is not something I had any intention of doing and so Natalie suggested that I go on the kiddies roller-coaster Being an tight accountant and wanting to go to the most out of my ticket, I thought this was a good idea. I queued up for the ride and got right to the front and the guy waved me on. I got in the front of the roller-coaster and a few minutes later, I got a tap on the shoulder and the guy asked me where my kid was. I said I didn’t have one and he told me that it was a kid’s ride and that I had to get off. Stunned, I was speechless and unable to counter what at the time seemed to me like a flawless argument.