I finally got round to writing my letter to Santa this year. As I might have missed the last post, I’ve decided to type it up in the hopes that he sees it one way or another.
Dear Santa,
I know I only write to you once a year. I really should try to keep in touch more, and I can only apologise for this. However, it is a two-way relationship and you can feel free to stop by any time for a cup of tea. If you let me know in advance, I’ll get those cookies you like.
It’s difficult to stay in touch tough – you seem to get busier the older you get and I can only assume that you’ve had to get the elves working even earlier this year with the world’s population continuing to grow. I’ve lost touch with a few people that I used to be close with. I say this every year but I will try to do better at keeping in touch.
I think I’ve been quite good this year. I have been giving more to charity and I’ve been trying to help others when I can, so I’m hoping that I’m on the nice list. Therefore, I’ve got a few special things I’m asking for this year.
Whilst 2016 was a good year for me personally as I got engaged, it wasn’t too great for the rest of the world. Let’s start with the big one – politics. With the results of the EU referendum (is Lapland in the EU? I don’t know), Donald Fart winning the US presidential election and the murder of Jo Cox MP, it seems like the right wing – specifically the extreme right – is on the rise.
I was hoping you might be able to do something about this? Maybe not remove all these people in power (although if you can get rid of Darth May, that would be excellent), but make people generally more tolerant and caring of other people, animals and the environment, then that would make me exceptionally happy. Less authoritarianism and more tolerance would be great. Perhaps you got some conservative MPs George Orwell’s 1984 for Christmas last year? If so, can you please remind them that it is a dystopian novel and not a handbook on how to govern.
Next up is celebrities. Now, I’m not much of a celeb spotter. I don’t know who at least two thirds of the humans on I’m A Celebrity are, but the rate at which they have been dying this year is ridiculous. I know that death is a natural and inevitable part of life, and also necessary otherwise your poor elves would never have a day off. But the rate at which people – cool people – have been going is ridiculous. Could you ask death to take someone that people don’t like once in a while , such as Piers Morgan or Katie Hopkins?
Anyway, I know all of that is a lot to ask, and some of it is probably outside of your control, so if it can’t be done, then some new socks will be fine.
Yours sincerely,
Stewart Cork
p.s. I know that I’ve been arguing quite a lot with people on the Hythe Residents Facebook page. I hope that hasn’t got me on the naughty list. I’m just trying to stand up for all the people that need housing against the NIMBYs. You might not have that problem in Lapland as there’s a lot of space there.